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Without a doubt Paul s case was a bad case, but a bad case of what? Paul was a young man who never had time for the average, dull life. He spent most of his life in a dream world that comforted and accepted him. Never did Paul feel embarrassed or not liked in his imagination. It was the only place that he felt at peace; but where would he go if his sanctuary were suddenly taken from him? What would a boy do in order to get it back?
What would you do if you learned that there was no going back? Paul s was a bad case but I don t believe it was a case of homosexuality. Paul never acted in ways that I associate to being gay. Throughout the reading Paul showed signs of mental instability. Always feeling watched was a sign that Paul was not quite right. Paul never felt like he belonged unless he was surrounded by an exotic lifestyle with high-class citizens.
In some way Paul related to them. It was Paul s only escape from ordinary life and yet it was taken from him. His father should ve realized that Paul s mental stability relied upon his after school activities and tried everything to keep him working. The only thing he truly loved was destroyed by the life he viciously hated.
Paul knew there was no getting it back and it eventually drove him to suicide. It wasn t because he would never be able to love another, he did have a love and it was taken from him. Like so many others during adolescence, Paul hated school. It was all he could do to sit in his seat quietly and not lash out at his teachers. Paul made it clear that he did not want to be in school and only wished to be left alone. It wasn t until teachers inevitably tried to get Paul involved that he would let his instructors know how heartily he despised them.
Paul s problems made people attempt to figure him out. He loathed people that wouldn t let him be. Yet, Paul never started a confrontation. His problem was that he didn t know what to do once he was in an argument and people didn t like how he handled the pressure. Without mentioning the effect of growing up motherless, Paul had mental problems that combined to make him act the way he did. Paul s inadequacy, lowliness, and hate for his life were at the core of his troubles.
This was a sure sign of depression, not homosexuality. To put on a show to cover his pain, Paul had to lie, mislead, and eventually steal only to continue to exist in his dreadful life. Never did Paul lie for fun. It was something that he felt he needed to do to avoid friction with others and somehow it helped him feel accepted and less like the outcast. Paul lied to be able to handle life. With time all his lies added up and caused Paul more pressure.
Everyday became harder for Paul to handle but with the help of his job he could manage. Work was something that always made him feel at home. Being an usher at Carnegie Hall was Paul s escape. It was the only thing that could break though Paul s depression.
He would always show up extremely early because there was nothing else he d rather do. Dressing before his shift, meeting people he admired, and then sinking into a rear seat and listening to the symphony were Paul s love. No matter what had happened earlier that day, when the music began Paul found himself in a world where he was king. Nothing mattered; no teacher s, no school bullies, and none of societies rules applied there. For a few hours a night Paul could leave his insecurities and hates at the door.
It charged him, and was the only thing that allowed him to suffer through another day. Then one day it was ripped from him. He was suddenly denied his one steadfast remedy. Paul no longer had the one thing that made his life bearable and he knew he would never get it back. With Paul s instabilities he had nowhere to go.
There was no hope for him and there was no possible way he could live a life without hope for a better life. When he was shut out of the theater his fate had been immediately determined. He could either continue his life at home, a life of mental torture or he could take a chance and for a few days live the life he had always wished for. The next day Paul came across three thousand dollars that no one would discover missing for many days. It was Paul s one and only chance.
Immediately Paul bought a ticket for New York City and left his world behind. In the back of his mind he knew that this was a one-way trip but it was going to be his finale. When Paul arrived in New York he was able to express fully what he had always felt inside. Three thousand dollars were his lifeline. It could make all his fantasies a reality but only for a small period of time. For the first time in his life Paul was with the people that thought like him.
There was no time for school lessons, these people seized the day and lived the good life. The problem was that when the money was gone, so was the life. He could only be alive for a few days and if he then gave in to going home, he would be dead for the rest of his life. Paul knew that and he accepted it. Paul would never go back to common life; he was going to go out in a blaze of glory and live his life the way it was meant to be lived. Paul had major problems.
It may have been that he placed too little value on life or too much and he didn t want to waste a minute. I believe Paul took his own life because a major part of his life was taken from him. Paul couldn t handle that and if pushed him to the breaking point. With his inferiority complex there was no alternative, no way he could regain his life. Paul killed himself immediately following the happiest time of his life. His revolt against the homilies by which the world was run was a losing game.
He gave life his best shot and in the end it just ran right over him.
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Research essay sample on Thousand Dollars Three Thousand
