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... he Real Jan Brady. I was really happenin in a far out kinda way! I wanted to get my dog's picture taken, so I went to the picture store, and they said that if you have a baby, you could have your picture taken for free!
So, I went and bought some baby clothes and put him in them! Then I brought him back. They thought he was awfully hairy, but I said he had a growth problem, so they stopped talking about it because they didnt want him to feel bad. Then I brought home the pictures, and hung them all over the tent!
Well, today Kent and I went down to the pet store. The ugly pet store woman was there again! We went in the back where the parrots were and we started teaching them all these dirty words. Then, when the ugly woman came back to feed the parrots, and they were all, "F you, stupid bitch!" We hid behind the hamster cages, so she didn't see us, but she saw us, and said, "Oh, I see you had the baby!" I showed her pictures of Spanky, and she thought he was the cutest baby she ever saw. She was wondering why he didn't have a lot of hair though; she said her babies were so hairy.
I said, "That's nice? ?" and I walked away! Then we went to JC Penney's and we dressed up like mannequins, and when people walked by we screamed at them, and they all screamed like little girls. Today was such a tiring day; I'm going to have a good night sleep tonight! Then I thought to myself later on in my tent... How could the pet store lady be so dumb to believe that I had a baby? I'm a guy...
I was walking the Spankster Meister through the mall, and he crapped all over the ground, so I just left it. Then some mall police was all, "Ya gonna clean that up?" and I'm all, "NO!" Then she's like, "You can't have animals in here anyway!" Then I said I was blind, and it was my Seeing Eye dog, and that I couldn't see the dog crap to clean it up anyway. Then she said, "You " re blind, no wonder your hair looks like that!" Then I walked away and I had to bump into everything to make it more believable. I knew everyone was staring at me, and I bumped into the escalator and my shoelaces got stuck. So they had to shut down the whole thing! Everyone was staring at me, and I said "STOP STARING AT ME! !" Then I realized I was supposed to be blind.
Luckily, I bumped into Kent, literally, and he / she told everyone that I had problems. Then he / she had just seen Oprah! I asked him / her if he / she had been taking his / her medication, and he / she said yes, but I knew he / she was lying. He's / shes the one with the problems. We walked back to the sporting good store and I accidentally slipped in Spanky's crap and broke my ribs. I slept in really late this morning, and Spanky was eager to get out, so I let him run around in traffic for a while.
Then I put him back in the tent, and Kent and I went looking for something to do. We went to the dollar store and bought some fake cowboy garbage. We put on the sheriff badges, and we put some spurs on our shoes. We walked up to this lady who was walking a stroller, and said, "Do you have a license for that?" She said she didn't. We said it was a mall offense to drive a stroller without a license and might be punishable by 2 - 4 hours in high security mall prison.
We said that we would let her go this time, but next time she might not be so lucky. Then we went up to these people who were totally making out in American Eagle, and we gave them a ticket and said, "PDA is a direct violation of code 917 in book 12 of the rules of the mall. " Before they could say anything to them we shoved a case of Justin Timberlake cologne in front of them, and sprayed it in their faces. They screamed but we just laughed and bolted out. Then we went to the food court and noticed that this guy was throwing out a whole tray of food. I told him that there were starving people in China and thirsty people in Africa! But he just said, "Shove it!" and then I said if he didn't calm down I would have to release the hounds on him and call for backup. "What are you talking about?" He asked.
I screamed, "BACKUP, BACKUP, release the hounds!" He said he was sorry, and he took the food and gave it to a poor smelly man sitting in the corner. "Ok cancel backup! Cancel the hounds!" I yelled. Wow what a great day. Kent went back to Mr.
Greydick's house, and I went back to the tent. But to my surprise, Spanky was gone! I forgot to let Spanky back in from the highway! OH NO! I went to go see where he was... and I was hit by an 18 -wheeler and died...
THE END? THE BEGINNING I came back to the tent, and Spanky was gone! I knew someone had kidnapped him. I thought of a list of suspects while I walked around the tent, Regina, Cleothera, Mr. Greydick, Kent, Zach Morris then all of a sudden I heard a barking sound coming from a suitcase. I opened it up and it was Spanky!
I asked what he was doing in there, and he said that I had won a trip to London. Wow, not only did I win a trip to London, but my dog had learned how to talk! The Kent said, No, its me! Kent! Im the one who is talking! I turned around and saw that it was Kent.
Oh, it was you! Kent! Youre the one who was talking! Kent said This is your birthday present from me to you! Its a trip to London.
It doesnt include airfare, accommodations, or transportation. But, it does include this nice suitcase that you can go in. I said I was so happy, but I didnt know where I would stay once I got there. He said once I got there wait for Smelly Lice Head Boy, he would bring my suitcase and put it on an ox and wagon and bring it to the nice broken down jail in the woods where the Indians used to trade their apothecary tables for opium and lint. So I went with Kent and Spanky to the airport. He tucked me and Spanky into the suitcase and put it with the rest of the London luggage.
He gave me some Scooby Doo fruit snacks to eat incase I got hungry. It was really dark and hot in the suitcase. I was getting tossed around all over the place, and I assumed I was on the airplane and flying to London. I was going to open up the suitcase to get some air, but Kent had locked it so that I didnt get stolen, and raped. Spanky had stopped breathing, and there was Spanky pee all over the place. Then about 37 hours later, someone opened up the suitcase.
My vision was completely gone, so I thought it was Smelly Lice Head Boy. Turns out, it was Kent. He said I had never left the airport and I had been going around the luggage carousel thingy for almost two days. I was all dizzy and smelly, and Spanky was almost dead.
So I decided to go home. I told Kent Thank you, its the thought that counts, as I fell over from dizziness and collapsed in the snow, turning the snow all yellow from my urine saturated clothes. Today I was awoken by a very loud noise. It was a child crying.
A girl came into the tent and said her name was Lindsay Manuel, and this was her daughter who was crying. She told me some very nice stories about how she was a hooker, and how she had to sleep with STD infected guys in order to feed her daughter. She kept making Maury and Jerry Springer guest gestures toward and imaginary camera. I offered her some drugs, but she got all mad at me and told me to stop offering her drugs.
I asked her if she wanted to come to my birthday party. I told her it was tonight. Lindsay and her daughter were invited, and so were Kent, Mr. Greydick.
Regina, Sven (even though no one likes him), the ugly pet shop lady, some hobos, and a bunch of Kens friends, and Lindsay's hooker friends. She said she would love to come. So that night, they all came in to the tent. Some of the hooker-like people I didnt recognize, but I didnt say anything because I wanted Lindsay to like me. She had brought all sorts of weird drinks in bottles, and the hookers were drinking them. The tent was so crowded that there were people covering every square inch, like a clown car, except instead of clowns, it was people.
The people started getting real crazy, and I didnt know why. Then Kent said it was time for presents. Kent got me something from Fredericks of Hollywood, Regina got me a cucumber, Sven gave me 179 dozen red roses, the ugly pet shop lady gave me some dog hair clippings, the hobos gave me tin foil hats, and Lindsay's hooker friends gave me nothing but vomit. There was vomit all over the tent. Pretty soon we were swimming in it. Finally, the door of the tent blew open and every slid out of a wave of vomit.
I yelled at everyone to leave, and I got stuck cleaning up vomit all night.
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Research essay sample on Smelly Lice Head Boy Smelly Lice Head Kent
