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What is anger, an emotion, a response, or a way of life? In some cases all three may be a reality. According to Charles Spielberger, PhD, anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage." It's that feeling of your blood boiling, the heat of your body rising steadily until you think you may explode. Your head popping right off of your body and shooting like a rocket into space!
Although this is an exaggeration, why do we feel this way sometimes? The biological reason for anger is quite simple, it is our body's way of preparing us for fight or flight. The body uses anger to fight for survival. our heart rate increases, blood pressure rises, and the levels of our energy hormones, adrenaline and noradrenaline, heighten. Other reasons for anger vary by individual. In recent years, traffic and other drivers have made some people so angry, we have coined the term "road rage." Other people become so disgusted by the slow and leisurely pace of your walk at the mall that they scurry around you and grunt as if you " ve violated some sort of implied mall speed limit.
Upon answering the phone while writing this paper I was greeted by a young lady conducting a survey. With no end in sight to this barrage of questions about frozen chicken, I could feel my anger growing after 10 minutes. I even considered hanging up on the poor girl. Why did I get so angry? Maybe I felt my time was far more valuable than her time. That can't be true though, we are both human beings.
What makes my time or me as a person any better than this woman? I felt she was wasting my time, after all, I did have a paper to write. After having this conversion with myself, I realized she was just trying to make a living. In the end, I completed her survey and she was extremely gracious. I got the feeling I was her first completed survey for that day. In order to quell my anger, I had to stop and think.
Why was I getting upset? Was it really such a problem for me to take 20 minutes of my precious time to help someone do their job? There are several ways to deal with anger when it rears its' ugly head. One is to remove yourself from the situation until you calm down. This will enable you to think clearly and locally. Be assertive and take control while being respectful of yourself and others.
If there is another person or people involved, talk calmly about your feelings and theirs. Ensure that you take the opportunity to talk it out. Internalizing anger can backfire leading to passive aggressive behavior or a hostile or cynical personality. Internalized anger also expresses itself biologically in hypertension, high blood pressure, and depression.
Some people are genetically prone to be more angry than others. From birth, your temperament becomes clear. Some babies are more irritable and fussy while others are calm and even tempered. Enviroment also plays a part in anger.
Children from disruptive and disorganized homes become more easily frustrated and angered. People who become angry easily have a low tolerance for frustration. They have no time for this inconvenience or annoyance. Not to worry though, there are methods of anger management. You may be asking...
How can I calm down when I'm feeling angry? The first step is deep breathing which will slow your heart rate and lower your blood pressure. Talk yourself through the situation, repeat to yourself, "Calm down, relax, everything will be OK." Walk away, remove yourself before you say or do something to hurt yourself or someone else. Some things said or done in anger can cause irreparable damage, physically as well as emotionally. Use imagery or happy memories to take you to another place and relax. You can practice these techniques on a daily basis as a part of anger management.
Prepare yourself for your next brush with anger. If you feel your anger is uncontrollable and causing problems in your work or personal relationships, counseling is also an option. Normally, working with a counselor for 8 to 10 weeks can be highly effective. Remember this, there is no way to avoid anger, it is a necessary emotion. However we can control our anger and keep it in check. So, the next time someone is tailgating you, or the car in front of you is cruising at 20 mph in a 45 mph zone, or your mother says "I told you so."..
SMILE, take a few deep breaths, and imagine lying on that beautiful beach in Maui.
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