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... sets you off, understand the causes and origins of your entrenched patterns, and work through your discomfort until you are willing to accept greater responsibility for your troubles. You not taking responsibility by accepting blame yourself instead of blaming the other person. There is a tendency to sidestep responsibility for what has happened before and what continues to take place in the conflicted relationship.
Constructing a list of excuses, preferably as long as possible, is part of the strategy for avoiding responsibility and being let off the hook. To deny your share of responsibility in any conflict us clearly a distortion of reality. As with any self-respecting mechanism, blaming others for misdeeds allows you to maintain a positive self-image in light of attacks perceived as threatening. While trying to explain one's action by appealing to some greater good is not the same as denying one's responsibility for creating a conflict.
Another means by which to disown responsibility is to focus on the issue of intentionally: you may have done it, but you did not mean to. To imply that you were coerced into acting this way simply put you had no choice; you were forced to do it is a third possible response. However, each of these denials will only be employed when responsibility can be proven. The first choice is to always deny that you had anything to do with the situation in the first place. To blame others is counterproductive, but can be just as destructive as blaming you. Instead of dwelling on who is at fault your time would be better spent accepting responsibility for overcoming the problem and taking charge and working through it.
On the other hand, transcendent discourse suspends or condemnation blaming, aims at probing rather than persuading, and is designed to compare and critique rather than to win. One important feature of transcendent discourse is that, when applied to stubborn moral conflicts, it is not designed to resolve the issues but to humanize the ways in which they are engaged. Eloquence is the representation of the highest form of expression within the frame of rules adopted by society. Transcendent eloquence has five general characteristics; it is (1) philosophical, (2) comparative, (3) dialogic, (4) critical, and (5) transformative. Communicating in this manner is philosophical in that it surfaces and deals with basic assumptions. It is comparative in that it tries to find ways to compare what look like mutually exclusive systems or options.
The fact that its purpose its to explore rather than convince or persuade means it dialogic. Transcendent eloquence's fourth characteristic is that it is critical, which means that it exposes the powers and limits of each side in a controversy. And the final feature is that it is transformative, which is to say that it reconstructs the context in which the conflict is to be understood. This alters the container in which communication happens. However, understanding that transcendent behavior is not a method for resolving moral conflicts, thinking they are neutral ground without values, blindly realistic and not a remedy for all situations. Transcendent discourse is worthy of consideration as a response to a moral conflict.
By realizing the limits of our own philosophical assumptions we will find the ability to disagree without silencing the other side through repression, injury and pain or death. Even though this type of discourse is uncommon it does have value and needs to be nourished because it perhaps is the only honest basis for hope. The situation that I am writing deals with the divorce of my parents. My name is K angelia and I am a 13 -year old, first born of college-educated parents. My parents marriage was in great distress, and separation was eminent.
A pleasant, sociable, and slightly underweight adolescent, I performed above average academically and had no reported difficulties in school. Recently, however, interactions with peers had become increasingly volatile. In addition to the early teenage fickleness of friendships and the competition for male attention, I seemed to react excessively to teasing, name calling, gossip, and social ostracism that occurred frequently in my shifting peer group. When provoked, I would curse and scream at the other girls in school, and on several occasions I pushed or pulled hair to get back at someone perceived as being against me. Following a history of contrariness and stubborn opposition to parental directives, I was becoming increasingly more difficult for my mother to manage without the consistent support of my father.
With my self-centered adolescent perspective I had begun to use my parents deteriorating marital situation to my own advantage. I made unreasonable demands of one parent, displayed temper tantrum-like behavior when my demands were not met, and, finally, manipulated the other parent to get my way. My coercive behavior escalated a number of times from verbal freshness and cursing to physical attacks on my mother. My anger and aggression occurred when I did not receive desired objects, when food was not prepared as desired, and when my mother refused for complete academic or household tasks for me. Another escalating chain of events occurred when I lied to my mother, about having taken money and clothing, and my mother confronted me. I responded with aversive verbalization's directed toward my mothers attempt to catch me in a lie.
My parents and younger brother responded to my tantrums with screaming and threats of their own, until someone either was hurt or left the house. In most cases, having my demands met (in the short run, at least) reinforced my outbursts. Thus, I felt justified in fighting for what I wanted, and I saw myself as the victor. However, long-term consequences included continued anger and resentment on the part of all family members, deterioration in family communication and problem solving and subtle emotional rejection in family affective relationships. I denied that I had any difficulties, and maintained that I was simply responding to the uncalled for provocations of others. Nevertheless, I agreed to therapy in order to have someone to talk to about the divorce.
Although the marital situation reinforced a distorted attribution of blame for my negative behavior patterns, the therapist accepted this initial premise for treatment to establish a working alliance. My symptoms captured conflict at the heart: a pattern of negativistic, hostile and defiant behavior, without the more serious violations of the basic rights, which are seen in conduct behavior disorder. Other criteria of conflict I met included: argumentative with adults, frequent temper loss, swearing, often angry and resentful, defiance of adult rules and requests, and a tendency to blame others for my own mistakes or difficulties. The manifestation of defensive behavior was very prevalent in my family and social relationships because of the hostile and opposition attitudes that I betrayed. Similarly, I was also guilty of features associated with conduct disorder that included threatening and cruel behaviors, bullying, manipulation of others, intimidation and confrontational behaviors, disobey ance of parental rules and so on. This situation could have been successful if I had successfully tried to work through my conflict by minimizing the disadvantages, an emphasizing the positive fact that at least I still had my parents even if they were separated.
Now that I look at it instead of suppressing the emotions and / or problems resulting from my parents separation I should have discussed it. I was causing more of a problem by trying to avoid the problem instead of accepting it, dealing with and moving on. Merely by realizing the limits of my own philosophical assumptions although I disagreed with the divorce things would not have turned out the way they did. However, I know now that, I had a greater, exaggerated fear about spilling the ketchup in my relationship with my mom and dad. I should really try to avoid future confrontations and detour my anger through out relationships by talking instead of suppressing and allowing my parents to know first of all that I love and appreciate them, and most of all that I respect them. I am truly that glad that my parents actually listened to the scripture and did train up their child in the way I should go; and that most of all I did not stray from it.
There was hope for me after all. I was able to use therapy to help adjust to my present family life situation, and provide a solid basis for a healthy relationship. Bibliography:
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Research essay sample on Realizing The Limits Transcendent Discourse Responsibility
