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Millions of thoughts race through my mind everyday. After all this time, I should have endless things to say about it, but I struggle to fill a few pages describing what runs through it. The concept of exposing my personal thoughts terrifies me. Why should I let a perfect stranger know how I look at the world? I don't want to convert anyone to my beliefs; I respect whatever ideals they choose to live by. However, I need to conquer my fears of opening up to others, so I will share a few of my inner thoughts.
I try to believe that hard work and persistence pay off. The painful truth is that talent can take some people just as far. No matter what I accomplish in life, I know there is always someone else who achieved the same thing with less work and effort. In gymnastics, I saw my peers catch onto new skills in a flash while I worked for hours at the same thing. I envied their abilities, but I despised their efforts.
I hate getting something for nothing. I feel empty when I don't feel like I deserve what I have. I strive for perfection, but I know it's only a myth. When I was nine I decided that perfection is not reality. My summer league swim coach explained to me that there is one perfect person in the world, and I am not Him. Since I do not really believe in God, I stopped believing in perfection.
I still aim for it, and I consider myself a perfectionist. However, I know there will always be minor flaws no matter how hard I try to avoid them. This paper proves that. I have spent hours trying to describe my intellect in a coherent, grammatically correct manner, but I know I have faltered in many areas. I question everything. This can be helpful, but it is also stressful.
Whenever I am faced with a major decision, I can easily establish at least two sides to the conflict. Once I have done this, it is hard to know what's next. I try to reach a reasonable compromise, but usually I end up with more questions. I've spent weeks asking myself how to write this paper. When it's done, I will wonder how it could have been better. Should I have stuck with my first draft?
I love change and new opportunities. I picture myself meeting new people and going new places all of the time. Whenever I do these things I think I take the experiences for granted. I usually find myself looking too far ahead to enjoy the present. It is hard to live for the moment when I want everything to be different. I have looked forward to living in southern California for the past three years.
Now that I'm hear I feel like I set my expectations too high. I enjoy what I'm doing, but I still feel empty and unfulfilled in many ways. I don't know if these ideas sufficiently explain my intellectual development. They are as cluttered and random on paper as they are in my head. Hopefully whoever reads this will feel more in tune with how I think, but they will not look down on me. Some of my views may seem cynical, but I don't expect everyone to agree with them.
My personal experiences have molded these perceptions, and no one else could possibly share all of the same feelings. Bibliography:
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Research essay sample on Feel Empty Hard Paper
