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... notice. First they explained that a person must be aware of their Characteristics of the individual, such as their education, gender ideology, or role identity, in order to be involved in the relationship, and form a good amount of self-disclosure within their partner, which is basically how much they are willing to tell their partner. The second important factor which they mentioned was Characteristics of the relationship, such as the amount of dependence on one another, and if there is a child present or not in the relationship.
Lastly, they mention the Characteristics of the partner, such as gender ideology, educational attainment, and your emotional attachment to that person. Is there a reason that these authors did not mention Characteristics of compliments, or the word compliment at all in this chapter? The reasoning is that the more entwined two people become, the more the affects of complimenting fades. Although the point may very for everyone, there is definitely a huge decline as relationships escalate.
Everybody has had friends who have suffered the trauma of a break-up or divorce. When the person confides in you, you often hear that their significant other did not treat them well, cared for someone else, was abusive, or that they just were not meant to be. How often have you heard someone tell you they broke because the person did not compliment them enough? I recently had a friend in a two-week relationship explain to me that her boyfriend had quit complimenting her.
This being a rather new relationship it is understandable that she relied on his compliments for personal satisfaction. The relevance of this you ask. Well, my girlfriend of seven months looked at her in shock, chuckled and said, Honey I cannot remember the last time you complimented me. Our friend seemed surprised by this, I than explained how it was not necessary for me to compliment my girlfriend because after a while you know exactly how someone feels about you. What they like, what they dislike. Compliments in a sense are just reassuring comments, or a way to tell someone what you feel.
After you have known someone long enough this is completely unneeded since you can just tell by their look what they think. From here I left so the two girls could have a discussion on their own, since girlfriends would have the greatest affect on our friends self-confidence. How do I know that I was not right for this situation? In a study done by psychologists (NAMES AND YEAR) positive affects of compliments and understanding were tested for whom is best to confide in.
The three groups studied were: the double in-group (ii), which is someone with two relating traits. In this case my girlfriend fit this due to her age and sex matching our friend. Second, the crossed categorization (io), which was me in this situation, being the same age but a different sex. Lastly is the double out-group (oo), which would be someone like her father, whom is older and opposes her sex. As far as affect of impact on someone, a member of someones double in-group was most favorable and easy to get along with.
Members of the crossed categorization group were pretty intermediate, and members of the double out-group were hardly favorable at all. (I guess this is an understanding why kids have problems opening o their parents). Although the study did not hit relationship affects exactly, it does show that people look to others when in need, and were they look is not going to be to their partner, whom they are having problems with, because that person is not an extremely favorable help. Therefore if the opportunity is there, people will go to their closest same sex friends, which in turn again eliminate the partners responsibility to deal completely with the problem, and use unnecessary compliments. This is not always true however, because I know you are saying that you and your wife often discuss your arguments with one another rather than others. Some researchers argue that when the cross categorization cues are made most important, although there is a differentiation between the two, it will be cancelled due to the perception of a group similarity (Deschamps & Does 1978, Vandeselacre 1996). This mainly is the reason making up is very easy and fun.
When a member of a crossed categorization group feels as if you are closer, such as a double in-group member, emotions spark through eye contact, and apologies begin appearing with the usual, Honey, I am sorry for how I acted, will you forgive me, and lets have a great night. This is all beautiful but notice next time the apology you receive does not obtain within it a compliment like, Honey, I am sorry for how I acted. You are far to good to be treated how I treated you, and sometimes I really wonder if I deserve you. The second apology is expected in an early relationship, but sadly the first is what you will grow to know, and grow to love. Although not all relationships lack consistent complimenting, I am positive that many do. I see it in my friends relationships, my families, and even mine.
A compliment is a simple phrasing of words used to touch somebody's heart, to grasp somebody's soul. When one realizes they have gotten that there tends to be a drastic decrease in the exercise of them. Is this why many people realize day in and day out that they are unhappy and need to move on? Or is it that people do not scrutinize what they have, and how they are mistreating it? I am extremely curious as to weather or not there is a point were everyday things such as complimenting, become insignificant. This assignment has really made me open my eyes to what a relationship withholds.
The value, and the significant time and feelings one can waste by not saying what they feel, but expecting that someone to know. Do compliments wear off due to a total knowledge of them, or because an individual lets his / her intuition rule situations, and cause an expectancy for more than they should?
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Research essay sample on Crossed Categorization Group Double Out Group Relationship
