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ter> The Clinical Picture and Developmental Roots - Opening Remarks
Terminology
Co-dependents People who depend on other people for their emotional gratification and the performance of ego or daily functions. They are needy, demanding, submissive. They fear abandonment, cling and display immature behaviors in their effort to maintain the "relationship" with their companion or mate upon whom they depend. No matter what abuse is inflicted upon them - they remain in the relationship. See also the definition of the "Dependent Personality Disorder" in the DSM IV. Inverted Narcissist Previously called "covert narcissist", this is a co-dependent who depends exclusively on narcissists. If you live with a narcissist, have a relationship with them, are married to them, work with them, etc. - it does NOT mean that you are an inverted narcissist. To "qualify" as an inverted narcissist - you must WANT to be in a relationship with a narcissist, regardless of any abuse inflicted on you by him / her. You must ACTIVELY seek relationships with narcissists - and ONLY with narcissists - no matter what your (bitter and traumatic) past experience has been. You must feel EMPTY and UNHAPPY in relationships with ANY OTHER kind of person. Only THEN - AND if you satisfy the other diagnostic criteria of a Dependent Personality Disorder - can you be safely diagnosed as an "Inverted Narcissist."
Introduction
The DSM IV defines the NPD using a few criteria. It is sufficient to possess 5 of them to "qualify." Thus, theoretically, it is possible to be NPD WITHOUT grandiosity. Many researchers (to mention a few: Alexander Lower, Jeffrey Satinover, Theodore Million) suggested a "taxonomy" of pathological narcissism. They divided narcissists to sub-groups (very much as I did with my somatic versus cerebral narcissist dichotomy - SV). Lower, for instance, talks about the "phallic" narcissist versus others. Satinover makes a very important distinction between narcissists who were raised by abusive parents - and those who were raised by doting mothers or domineering mothers. See an expansion of the Satinover classification in: web > In "Psychodynamic Psychiatry in Clinical Practice/ The DSM-IV Edition's comments on Cluster B Personality Disorders - Narcissistic" we find this: ."..
what definitive criteria can be used to differentiate healthy from pathological narcissism? The time honored criteria of psychological health - to love and to work - are only partly useful in answering this question. "An individual's work history may provide little help in making the distinction. Highly disturbed narcissistic individuals may find extraordinary success in certain professions, such as big business, the arts, politics, the entertainment industry, athletics and televangelism field. In some cases, however, narcissistic pathology may be reflected in a superficial quality to one's professional interests, as though achievement in and acclaim are more important than mastery of the field itself. Pathological forms of narcissism are more easily identified by the quality of the individual's relationships. One tragedy affecting these people is their inability to love.
Healthy interpersonal relationships can be recognized by qualities such as empathy and concern for the feelings of others, a genuine interest in the ideas of others, the ability to tolerate ambivalence in long-term relationships without giving up, and a capacity to acknowledge one's own contribution to interpersonal conflicts. People who are characterized by these qualities may at times use others to gratify their own needs, but the tendency occurs in the broader context of sensitive interpersonal relatedness rather than as a pervasive style of dealing with other people. One the other hand, the person with a narcissistic personality disorder approaches people as objects to be used up and discarded according to his or her needs, without regard for their feelings. People are not viewed as having a separate existence or as having needs of their own. The individual with a narcissistic personality disorder frequently ends a relationship after a short time, usually when the other person begins to make demands stemming from for his or her own needs. Most importantly, such relationships clearly do not "work" in terms of the narcissist's ability to maintain his or her own sense of self-esteem. ."..
These criteria (the DSM IV's - SV) identify a certain kind of narcissistic patient - specifically, the arrogant, boastful, "noisy" individual who demands to be in the spotlight. However, they fail to characterize the shy, quietly grandiose, narcissistic individual whose extreme sensitivity to slights leads to an assiduous avoidance of the spotlight. " The DSM-III-R incorporated an allusion to at least TWO TYPES of narcissists, but the DSM-IV committee chose to delete this: .".. included criterion, "reacts to criticism with feelings of rage, shame, or humiliation (even not if expressed) " due to lack of "specificity." Others theoreticians, clinicians and researchers similarly suggested a division between "The Oblivious Narcissist" (aka overt) and "The Hyper vigilant Narcissist" (aka covert).
The Compensatory versus the Classic Narcissist
Another interesting distinction suggested by Dave Kelly in his excellent PTYPES web site is between the "Compensatory" type NPD (the one around which my "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited" revolves) and the "Classic" NPD (DSM IV type): Here are the Compensatory NPD criteria according to Dave Kelly: Ptypes Personality Types proposes Compensatory Narcissistic Personality Disorder as a pervasive pattern of unstable, covert narcissistic behaviors that derive from an underlying sense of insecurity and weakness rather than from genuine feelings of self-confidence and high self-esteem, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by six (or more) of the following: The basic trait of the Compensatory Narcissistic Personality Type is a pattern of "overtly narcissistic behaviors [that] derive from an underlying sense of insecurity and weakness, rather than from genuine feelings of self-confidence and high self-esteem" (Million). The Compensatory Narcissistic Personality Type: seeks to create an illusion of superiority and to build up an image of high self-worth (Million); strives for recognition and prestige to compensate for the lack of a feeling of self-worth; may "acquire a deprecatory attitude in which the achievements of others are ridiculed and degraded" (Million); has persistent aspirations for glory and status (Million); has a tendency to exaggerate and boast (Million); is sensitive to how others react to him, watches and listens carefully for critical judgment, and feels slighted by disapproval (Million); "is prone to feel shamed and humiliated and especially [anxious] and vulnerable to the judgments of others" (Million); covers up a sense of inadequacy and deficiency with pseudo-arrogance and pseudo-grandiosity (Million); has a tendency to periodic hypochondria (Forman); alternates between feelings of emptiness and deadness and states of excitement and excess energy (Forman); entertains fantasies of greatness, constantly striving for perfection, genius, or stardom (Forman); has a history of searching for an idealized partner and has an intense need for affirmation and confirmation in relationships (Forman); frequently entertains a wishful, exaggerated, and unrealistic concept of himself which he can't possibly measure up to (Reich); produces (too quickly) work not up to the level of his abilities because of an overwhelmingly strong need for the immediate gratification of success (Reich); is touchy, quick to take offense at the slightest provocation, continually anticipating attack and danger, reacting with anger and fantasies of revenge when he feels himself frustrated in his need for constant admiration (Reich); is self-conscious, due to a dependence on approval from others (Reich); suffers regularly from repetitive oscillations of self-esteem (Reich); seeks to undo feelings of inadequacy by forcing everyone's attention and admiration upon himself (Reich); may react with self-contempt and depression to the lack of fulfillment of his grandiose expectations (Riso). Sources: Forman, Max, (1976). Narcissistic disorders and the oedipal fixations. In Feldstein, J. J. , (Ed. ), The Annual of Psychoanalysis. Vol. IV. pp. 65 - 92, New York: International Universities. Million, Theodore, and Roger D.
Davis. Disorders of Personality: DSM-IV and Beyond. 2 nd ed. New York: Wiley, 1996. pp. 411 - 12.
Reich, Annie, (1986). Pathological forms of self-esteem regulation. In Morrison, A. P. , (Ed. ), Essential Papers on Narcissism. pp. 44 - 60. Reprint from (1960) Psychoanalytic Study of the Child.
Vol. 15, pp. 205 - 32. Riso, Don Richard. Personalty Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-discovery. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1987. pp. 102 - 3. Speculative Diagnostic Criteria for Compensatory Narcissistic Personality Disorder A pervasive pattern of self-inflation, pseudo-confidence, exhibitionism, and strivings for prestige, that compensates for feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem, as indicated by the following: pseudo-confidence compensating for an underlying condition of insecurity and feelings of helplessness pretentiousness; self-inflation exhibitionism in the pursuit of attention, recognition, and glory strivings for prestige to enhance self-esteem deceitfulness and manipulativeness in the service of maintaining feelings of superiority idealization in relationships fragmentation of the self: feelings of emptiness and deadness a proud, hubristic disposition hypochondriasis Substance abuse self-destructiveness Compensatory Narcissistic Personality Disorder corresponds to Ernest Jones's narcissistic "God Complex", Annie Reich's "compensatory narcissism", Heinz Kohut's "Narcissistic Personality Disorder", and Theodore Million's "Compensatory Narcissist." Million, Theodore, and Roger D.
Davis. Disorders of Personality: DSM-IV and Beyond. 2 nd ed. New York: Wiley, 1996. 411 - 12. Compare this to the classic type: Narcissistic Personality Type The basic trait of the Narcissistic Personality Type is a pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy. The Narcissistic Personality Type: reacts to criticism with feelings of rage, shame, or humiliation; is interpersonally exploitive: takes advantage of others to achieve his own ends; has a grandiose sense of self-importance; believes that his problems are unique and can be understood only by other special people; is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love; has a sense of entitlement: an unreasonable expectation of especially favorable treatment; requires much attention and admiration of others; lacks empathy: fails to recognize and experience how others feel; is preoccupied with feelings of envy. This is mainly the DSM - III - R view.
Pay attention to the not so subtle changes in the DSM IV - SV: The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition describes Narcissistic Personality Disorder as a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following: has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e. g. , exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements); is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love; believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions); requires excessive admiration; has a sense of entitlement, i. e. , unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations; is interpersonally exploitive, i. e. , takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends; lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others; is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her; shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes. Summarized from: American Psychiatric Association.
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: DSM-IV. 4 th ed. Washington: Author, 1994.
The Inverted Narcissist
It is clear to us that there is, indeed, a type of narcissist, hitherto rather neglected and obscure. It is the "self-effacing" or "introverted" narcissist. We call it the "Inverted Narcissist" (hereinafter: "IN"). This is a narcissist who, in many respects, is the mirror image of the "classical" narcissist. No one is sure why. The psychodynamics of such a narcissist are not clear, nor are his developmental roots. Perhaps he is the product of a doting or domineering primary object / caregiver .
Perhaps excessive abuse leads to the repression of even the narcissistic and other defense mechanisms against such abuse. Perhaps the parents suppressed every manifestation of grandiosity (very common in early childhood) and of narcissism - so that the defense mechanism that narcissism is was "inverted" and internalized in this unusual form. These narcissists are self-effacing, sensitive, emotionally fragile, sometimes socially phobic. They import all their self-esteem and sense of self-worth from the outside (others), are pathologically envious (a transformation of aggression), are likely to intermittently engage in aggressive / violent behaviors, are more emotionally labile that the classic narcissist, etc. We can, therefore talk about three "basic" types of narcissists: (a) The offspring of neglecting parents They resort to narcissism as the predominant object relation (with themselves as the exclusive object). (b) The offspring of doting or domineering parents (often narcissists themselves) They internalized these voices in the form of a sadistic, ideal, immature superego and spend their lives trying to be perfect, omnipotent, omniscient and to be judged "a success" by these parent-images. (c) The offspring of abusive parents They internalize the abusing, demeaning and contemptuous voices and spend their lives in an effort to elicit "counter-voices" from their human environment and thus to extract a modicum of self esteem and sense of self worth.
All three types exhibit recursive, recurrent and Sysiphean failure. Shielded by their protective shells (defense mechanisms) they constantly gauge reality wrongly, their actions and reactions become more and more rigid and ossified and the damage inflicted by them on themselves and on others ever greater. The Narcissistic parent seems to employ a myriad of primitive defenses in his dealings with his children. Splitting- idealizing the child and devaluing him in cycles which reflect internal dynamics of the parent rather than anything the child does. Projective Identification - forcing the child into behaviors and traits which reflect the parents' fears regarding himself, his self image and his self worth. This is a particularly powerful and pernicious mechanism.
If the narcissist parent fears his own deficiencies ("defects"), vulnerability, perceived weaknesses, susceptibility, gullibility, or emotions - he is likely to force the child to "feel" these rejected and (to him) repulsive emotions, to behave in ways strongly abhorred by the parent, to exhibit character traits the parent strongly rejects in himself. The child, in a way, becomes the "trash bin" of the parents' inhibitions, fears, self loathing, self contempt, perceived lack of self worth, sense of inadequacy and failure and emotional reticence. Coupled with the treatment of the child by the parent as a continuation of himself by other means, it serves to totally inhibit the psychological growth and emotional maturation of the child. The child becomes an extension of the parent - a vessel through which the parent experiences and realizes himself for better (hopes, aspirations, ambition, life goals) and for worse (weaknesses, "undesirable" emotions, "negative" traits). A host of other, simpler, defense mechanisms put to use by the parent is likely to obscure the predominant use of projective identification: projection, displacement, intellectualization, depersonalization. Relationships between such parents and their progeny easily deteriorate to sexual or other modes abuse because there are no functioning boundaries between them.
It seems that the reaction to a narcissistic parent can be either accommodation and assimilation or rejection. ACCOMMODATION and ASSIMILATION The child accommodates, idealizes and internalizes the primary object successfully. This means that the "internal voice" we all have is a narcissistic voice and that the child tries to comply with its directives and with its explicit and perceived wishes. The child becomes a masterful provider of narcissistic supply, a perfect match to the parent's personality, an ideal source, an accommodating, understanding and caring caterer to all the needs, whims, mood swings and cycles of the narcissist, an ensure of devaluation and idealization with equanimity, a superb adapter to the narcissist's world view, in short: the ultimate extension. This is what we came to call an "inverted narcissist." We must not neglect the abusive aspect of such a relationship.
The Narcissistic primary object always alternates between idealization of his progeny and its evaluation. The child is likely to internalize the devaluing, abusive, demeaning, berating, diminishing, minimizing, upbraiding, chastising voice. The parent (or caregiver) keeps living inside him (as part of a sadistic and ideal superego and an unrealistic ego ideal, to resort to psychoanalytic parlance for the sake of illustration). It is this voice that inhibits the development of reactive narcissism, the defense mechanism in the child. No grandiosity, sense of entitlement or total lack of empathy is possible in these circumstances. The child turned adult maintains these traits.
He keeps looking for narcissists in order to feel whole, alive and wanted. He seeks to be treated by a narcissist narcissistically (what others would call abuse is to him or her a homecoming and narcissistic supply). To him, the narcissist is a source of supply (primary or secondary) and the narcissistic behaviors constitute narcissistic supply. He feels dissatisfied, empty and unloved if not by a narcissist.
The roles of Primary Source of Narcissistic Supply (PSNS) and Secondary Source of Narcissistic Supply (SSNS) are reversed. To the inverted narcissist, a spouse is a source of PRIMARY supply, for instance. The other reaction to the narcissistic parent is REJECTION The child may react to the narcissism of the Primary Object with a peculiar type of rejection. He will develop his own narcissistic personality, replete with grandiosity and lack of empathy - BUT his personality will be antithetical to the personality of the narcissistic parent. If the parent were a somatic narcissist - he is likely to be a cerebral one, if his father prided himself on his virtue - he will emphasize his vices, if his mother bragged about her frugality, he is bound to flaunt his wealth.
An Attempted DSM style List of Criteria
We came up with a DSM-IV "style" inventory for an inverted narcissist, using the narcissists' characteristics as a template, because they are, in many ways two sides of the same coin, or "the mold and the molded" hence "mirror narcissist" or "inverted narcissist." The Narcissist tries to merge with an idealized but badly internalized object. They do so by "digesting" the meaningful others in their lives and transforming them into extensions of their selves. They employ various techniques to achieve this. To the "digested" this is the crux of the harrowing experience called "living with a narcissist." The "Inverted Narcissist", on the other hand, does not attempt, except in fantasy or in dangerous, masochistic sexual practice, to merge with an idealized external object. This is because he so successfully internalized the narcissistic primary object, to the exclusion of all else.
The IN feels ill at ease in a relationship with a non-narcissist because it is unconsciously perceived by him to be "betrayal", "cheating", an abrogation of the exclusivity clause he had with the narcissistic primary object. This is the big difference between narcissists and their inverted version. The former REJECTED the primary object in particular (and object relations in general) in favour of a handy substitute: themselves. The IN accepted the (narcissist) primary object and internalized it - to the exclusion of all others (unless they are perceived by him to be faithful renditions, replica of the narcissistic primary object). Criterion ONE The IN possesses a rigid sense of lack of self-worth The narcissist has a badly regulated sense of self-worth. However this is not conscious.
He goes through cycles of self-devaluation (and experiences them as dysphorias). The IN's sense of self worth does NOT fluctuate. It is rather stable - but it is very low. Whereas the narcissist devalues others - the IN devalues himself as an offering, a sacrifice to the narcissist.
The IN preempts the narcissist by devaluing himself, by actively devaluing his own achievements, or talents. The IN is exceedingly distressed when singled out because of actual achievements or demonstration of superior skills. Narcissism MUST include a component of active and conscious grandiose self-image. Some narcissists punish themselves by self-defeating and self-destructive behavior - but if they actively avoid narcissistic supply, they are not narcissists. There is a host of other PDs which incorporate this criterion (social phobia, schizoid PD and many others) of self-devaluation and the IN is bound to exhibit many of the traits of these disorders as well. The inverted narcissist is compelled to filter all of their narcissistic needs through the primary narcissist in their lives, no independence is permitted.
The IN is amplified by the narcissist's commentary (because nothing can be accomplished by the invert without the approval of a primary narcissist in their lives). Criterion TWO Pre-occupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance and beauty or of an ideal of love This is the same as the DSM-IV criterion for narcissistic personality disorder but manifests with the IN absolutely differently, i. e... , the cognitive dissonance is sharper here because the IN is so absolutely and completely convinced of their worthlessness that these fantasies are extremely painful 'dissonances'. With the narcissist, the dissonance exists on two levels: Between the UNCONSCIOUS feeling of lack of stable self worth and the grandiose fantasies AND between the grandiose fantasies and reality (the Grandiosity Gap).
In comparison, the "Inverted Narcissist" can only vacillate between lack of self worth and reality, there is no grandiosity permitted, except in dangerous, forbidden fantasy. This shows that the invert is psychologically incapable of fully realizing their inherent potentials without a primary narcissist to filter the praise, adulation or accomplishment through. They MUST have someone to whom praise can be redirected. The dissonance between the certainty of unworthiness coupled with genuine praise that cannot be deflected is likely to derail the inverted narcissist every time. Criterion THREE Believes that he is absolutely un-unique and un-special (i. e. , worthless and not worthy of merger with the fantasized ideal) and that no one at all could understand him because he is innately unworthy of being understood.
The IN becomes very agitated the more one tries to understand him because that also offends against his righteous sense of being properly excluded from the human race. A sense of worthlessness is typical of many other PDs (AND the feeling that no one could ever understand them). The narcissist himself endures prolonged periods of self-devaluation, self-deprecation and self-effacement. This is part of the narcissistic cycle. In this sense, the Inverted Narcissist is a PARTIAL narcissist in that he is permanently fixated in a part of the narcissist wheel, never to experience its complementary half: the narcissistic grandiosity and sense of entitlement. The 'righteous sense of being properly excluded' comes from the sadistic superego in concert with the 'overbearing, externally re-informed, conscience'.
Criterion FOUR Demands anonymity (in the sense of seeking to remain excluded at all costs) and is intensely irritated and uncomfortable with any attention being paid to him - similar to the Schizoid PD. Criterion FIVE Feels that he is undeserving and not entitled. Feels that he is inferior to others, lacking, insubstantial, unworthy, unlikeable, unlovable, someone to scorn and dismiss, or to ignore. Criterion SIX Is extinguishing ly selfless, sacrificial, even unctuous in his interpersonal relationships and will avoid the assistance of others at all costs. Can only interact with others when he can be seen to be giving, supportive, and expending an unusual effort to assist. Some narcissists behave the same way but only as a means to obtain Narcissistic Supply (praise, adulation, affirmation, attention).
This must not be confused with the behavior of the IN. Criterion SEVEN Lacks empathy. Is intensely attuned to others' needs, but only in so far as it relates to his own need to perform the required self-sacrifice, which in turn is necessary in order for the IN to obtain his narcissistic supply from the primary narcissist. By contrast, Narcissists are never empathic. They are intermittently attuned to others only in order to optimize the extraction of narcissistic supply from them.
Criterion EIGHT Envies others. Cannot conceive of being envied and becomes extremely agitated and uncomfortable if even brought into a situation where comparison might occur - loathes competition and will avoid competition at all costs, if there is any chance of actually winning the competition, or being singled out. Criterion NINE Displays extreme shyness, lack of any real relational connections, is publicly self-effacing in the extreme, is internally highly moralistic and critical of others; is a perfectionist and engages in lengthy ritualistic behaviours, which can never be perfectly performed (obsessive-compulsive, though not necessarily to the full extent exhibited in OCD). Notions of being individualistic are anathema.
The Reactive Patterns of the Inverted Narcissist (IN)
The inverted narcissist does not suffer from a "milder" form of narcissism. Like them, it has degrees and shades. But it is much more rare and the DSM IV variety is the more prevalent. The Inverted Narcissist is liable to react with rage whenever threatened (as all of us do). When envious of other people's achievements, ability to feel, wholeness, happiness, rewards and successes, when his sense of self-worthlessness is enhanced by a behavior, a comment, an event, when his lack of self-worth and void of self-esteem is THREATENED (so this narcissist might surprisingly react violently or rage fully to GOOD things: a kind remark, a mission accomplished, a reward, a compliment, a proposition, a sexual advance). When thinking about the past, when emotions and memories are evoked (usually negative ones) by a certain music, a given smell, a sight. When his pathological envy leads to an all-pervasive sense of injustice and being discriminated against or treated unjustly by a spiteful world. When he encounters stupidity, avarice, dishonesty, bigotry - it is these qualities in him that the narcissist really fears and rejects so vehemently in others. When he believes that he failed (and he always entertains this belief), that he is imperfect and useless and worthless, a good for nothing half-baked creature.
When he realizes to what extent his inner demons possess him, constrain his life, torment him, deform him and the hopelessness of it all. Then even the inverted narcissist rages. He becomes verbally and emotionally abusive. He deploys unfairly things told to him in confidence.
He uncannily pierces the soft spots of his target, and mercilessly drives home the poisoned dagger of despair and self loathing until it infects his adversary. The calm after such a storm is even eerier, a thundering silence, indeed. The narcissist regrets his behavior but would rarely admit his feelings, though he might apologize profusely. He simply nurtures his feelings as yet another weapon of self destruction and self defeat. It is from this very suppressed self contempt, from the very repressed and introverted judgment, from this missing emotional atonement that the narcissistic rage springs forth. Thus the vicious cycle is established.
One important difference between Inverted Narcissists and Non-Narcissists is that the former are less likely to react with PTSD (Post Traumatic Shock Syndrome) following a relationship with a narcissist. They seem to be "desensitized" to narcissists by their early upbringing. Whereas the reactions of normal people to narcissistic behavior patterns (and especially to the splitting and projective identification defense mechanisms and to the idealization devaluation cycles) is shock, profound hurt and disorientation - Inverted Narcissists show none of the above.
The Life of the Inverted Narcissist
The IN is, usually, exceedingly, painfully shy as a child. Despite this social phobia, his grandiosity (absorbed from the parent) might direct him to "limelight" professions and occupations which involve exposure, competition, "stage fright" and social friction. The setting can vary from the limited (family) to the expansive (national media) - but, whatever the setting, the result is a constant conflict and feeling of discomfort, even terror and extreme excitement and thrill ("adrenaline rush"). This is because the IN's grandiosity is "imported" and not fully integrated. It is, therefore, not supportive of his "grandiose" pursuits (as is the case with the narcissist). On the contrary, the IN feels awkward, pitted on the edge of a precipice, contrived, false and misleading, not to say deceitful. The Inverted Narcissist grows up in a suppressive environment.
It could be an orthodox, hyper-religious, or traditionalist culture, a monovalent, "black and white", doctrinarian and indoctrinating society - or a family which embodies all the above in a microcosm all of its own. The Inverted Narcissist is cast in a negative (emergent) role within his family. His "negativeness" is attributed to his gender, the order of his birth, religious, social, or cultural dictates and commandments, his "character flaws", his attribution to a specific person or event, his acts or inaction and so on. In the words of one such IN: "In the religious culture I grew up in. women are SO suppressed, their roles are so carefully restricted. They are the representation, in the flesh, of all that is sinful, degrading, of all that is wrong with the world.
These are the negative gender / cultural images that were force fed to us the negative "otherness" of women, as defined by men, was fed to me. I was so shy, withdrawn, unable to really relate to people at all from as early as I can remember. " The IN is subjected and exposed either to an overbearing, overvalued parent, or to an aloof, detached, emotionally unavailable one - or to both - at an early stage of his life. "I grew up in the shadow of my father who adored me, put me on a pedestal, told me I could do or be anything I wanted because I was incredibly b...
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