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I ve been interrupted In You Just Don t understand by Deborah Tannen, Deborah Tannen discusses how it is that men and women have different ways of communicating. In chapter seven of her book Tannen discusses how and why it is that men and women interrupt each other. Tannen finds that the interruption whether it is done by a man or a women is a hostile act, a kind of bullying Tannen goes on to say that interrupting is an attempt to dominate the conversation. She cites that in a close relationship the accusation of interruption is a painful thing and that this interruption is a painful thing that carries loads of meta messages. Tannen goes in to say that interrupting someone with whom you are in a relationship with strikes at the core of the relationship. I agree with the accusation of being a person that interrupts can be a painful thing especially in a relationship but in a relationship there should be no accusations of interruption because once you are in a close relationship there is no longer two voices but one.
Granted not all relationships are this way, but it helps if you want a successful relationship. There are two basic types of communication that you can have in a relationship either good or bad. If you have bad communication in a relationship, then it is a very negative sign for you, but if you can communicate with ease and not worry about petty things like interrupting each other, well then your relationship has a much better chance of succeeding. I feel that Tannen may have let her past personal experiences affect her writing.
Weather it was a conscience or un conscience thing I see it not only in this one section of her book but all throughout. It seems to me that Tannen has or is currently involved in relationships that have poor communication. Tannen and I have completely different views on the issue of interrupting. Although we agree that it is a painful thing to be accused of interrupting someone, we differ when it comes to interrupting in a relationship. In my recent relationship we were able to develop amazing communication skills.
We could read each other s actions, facial expressions and know what the other was saying even when they weren t saying it. When one of us would interrupt the other it was seen as a sign of just how close we were. Being able to complete each other s sentences is a sign of closeness. When we would go to a restaurant when I was ordering I would always forget to ask for my meal without tomatoes because I am allergic and when I was ordering she would always interrupt me and remind me that I couldn t have tomatoes. I believe that Tannen has missed the point of being in a close relationship by even thinking that there can be accusations of interruptions in a close relationship. Interruption to me is more of a positive than it is a negative thing.
Rather than feeling like someone is trying to dominate you when they interrupt you I get the feeling that they just want to convey that they understand or feel the same way. I can understand being angered if you are talking about a car and they interrupt you to tell you that the sky is blue today. I would be angry because not only is that person an idiot but they interrupted me to tell me some useless information. In a close relationship interrupting with useless information doesn t happen all that much. That of course depends on the person. It shouldn t happen very much because hopefully you wouldn t get involved with a person who interrupts you.
Tannen sites many examples, which lend support to the point that she is trying to make about how interruption is a painful ordeal but over shadowing her examples is a sense of personal reflection into this point that she is trying to make. It makes me wonder about her life s relationships, is she a person who interrupts or does interruption cause her pain on a daily basis. This has somehow found it s way into her writing. I believe that in a close relationship interrupting the one that you are with does not cause pain or grief but instead brings understanding and closeness. Tannen, Deborah. You Just Don t Understand Women and Men in Conversation.
New York: Ballantine Books, June 1991.
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