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... and may even end in yelling, if the government official fails to successfully convey the message, and the farmers do not pay any heed to the instructions of the official. Even common day examples are filled with conversations where one easily gets the feeling that his or her message did not get through, or you weren't sure if the conversation you had, or the statement just concluded with someone did achieve the desired objective. And worst to worst, the conversation resulted in a situation of conflict, with the development of bad feelings on both the conversant. Psychologists and sociologists today have succeeded in evolving an entirely separate discipline, that of communications, which encompasses various facets that form a successful model, as well as endorse different strategies leading to effective communication levels. This also leads to successful outcomes, not only among friends and family members, but businesses and large organizations.
To begin with there is the Basic Communication Model, the objective of which is two folds. First, it starts with a sender, an individual with a message, and the second individual is the receiver, one who receives that message. The message between the sender and the receiver travels through a channel that could either be verbal, or nor-verbal. In such a situation, feedback is the normal course of outcome, where the sender becomes the receiver, and the receiver becomes a sender, and upon understanding the message, the receiver adequately responds to the original senders messages. Lack of Listening Skill. In the conversation, that took place I think that one of the core mistakes that I made was the fact that I had a lack of listening skills.
I was giving my arguments one after another, and I was not asking the open-end questions in order for dad to talk longer and for me to listen. This way he probably would be more kind for my requests. Reflective listening. I think this was present in the conversation, because I was always supporting the points stated by dad and was giving him feedback on the points. In this situation the application of reflective listening was the need of the hour. Reflective listening here clearly implies that it is the restating or paraphrasing the content of the speaker, and is an important part of the feedback.
The objective for restating and or paraphrasing the feelings, comments or content of the speaker in front of you, is in fact a reflection and a demonstration that you have understood as well as accepted the speakers actual intentions. Acts such as commenting with unnecessary questioning or interrupting her falls under the category of hearing, and certainly not listening. Listening thus is the interpretation and understanding the importance of what has been uttered by the other individual, and also includes verification that may ensue in asking clarifying questions. Another important element in the process of effective communication is positive assertiveness on the part of the listener. This criterion for adopting such a course is to first describe the offending behavior or comment of the speaker, and then follow the description with the consequences that you would feel about that behavior or comment. In the conversation I was fallowing dads ideas pretty well, but I did not give him a chance to express them in more detail, which was another mistake.
The essence lies in the pursuit of the conversation without involving any judgment on the part of the listener, as this will encourage the speaker (Me) in giving out more information on my problems, rather than feel depressed or give rise to a conflicting argument, as was the case when I responded about how are we going to correct the situation and what solutions we take. Barriers for the effective communication. Dad was setting the major barriers for our effective communication. Well he was doing it from his more mature prospective and his ideas were probably right. He was judging my actions that had a chance to appear long before. Also he was offering his solutions to the problem I presented.
The major barrier I think when he was reassuring his rightness upon the issue and avoiding any other concerns about it. One of the key elements in effective listening is the ever-important aspect and use of the word understand. This encompasses both, hearing the other individual and the psychological involvement with the speaker. It must therefore be very clear, that listening is not limited to simply hearing words spoken by the speaker, but rather it involves comprehending the attitude of respect and acceptance. Understanding also entails the willingness to open up ones mind and strive to see the perspective of the speaker, exactly as he or she wishes to portray.
However, there also remains a somewhat negative aspect of the same word understand that is more often used to cut off a conversation, or misguide the speaker into perceiving that the listener has understood his or her point of view. On the contrary, by saying phrases such as I understand, or beginning the sentences with similar words, the listener is simply attempting to divert the subject under discussion. By stating that he knows that the problem exists, in the conversation, dad was actually diverting from the subject in order to implement the solutions that he wants to be implemented. I did not consider it in the conversation, and therefore was not able to reach my goal in it. Though it is not normal to use words such as understand, situations where such statements is normally observed are those that are new, difficult, or where the listener is dissatisfied with the progress of the conversation.
Thus, in order to divert the subject, or simply cut off the line of conversation, phrases such as I understand have become a norm in everyday life. In addition, the barriers are commonly used by people under stressful or conflict conditions. Categorized into three types, each of these barriers has a distinct meaning. The three categories or types of barriers are the verbal communication barriers, Para verbal and non-verbal communication barriers.
In the first type, that of verbal communication barriers, individuals usually resort to such acts as questioning the speaker, overly criticizing him, or blaming for the situation or problem in which he or she is currently involved. The second type of barrier that of non-verbal communication is more of a physical in nature. On the part of the listener, this may include acts and behaviors, such as flashing or rolling eyes, quick or slow movements of arms or legs, obvious gestures made with exasperation, slouching, hunching over, poor attention, staring without interest, or fidgeting with objects. All these acts and behaviors are clear signs that the listener is inattentive, and does not wish to continue with the conversation any further, or wish to change the subject of discussion. The above-mentioned barriers of communication aim at thwarting the communication process, mutual understanding, and respect of the members involved in communicating.
Instead of solving and identifying the problems or issues at hand, these barriers of communication put a strain on the relationships, that in turn lead to situations of conflict and creation of distances amongst those involved. At the extreme level, these barriers then lead to intensification of the conflicts and the development of a negative environment for all concerned. We thus conclude that effective communication should be a two way process, should involve active listening, should certainly reflect the accountability of both the speaker and the listener. It takes into account, and utilizes constructive feedback, that is not only free of all tensions and stresses; it is clarified to the extent of understanding and resolving the essence of the content message. The following part of the paper will discuss the possible difficult conversation situations that I hit in my life before. For example the relationship with my mother is also one of the situations that can definitely create a difficult conversation, because she is always telling me what to do, like I am a young boy.
But these difficult conversations are usually handled because my mother loves me, because usually they do and I can state whatever I want and she will understand it. I enclose the personal information easily and her barriers are overcame just by effective listening. Another possible situation of difficult conversation is the one I used to have on my previous job with the boss. The results of my work were not satisfying for the boss and for me as well, so we often had difficult conversations. Personal information was not enclosed usually, and I was trying to handle his defensiveness, by offering the possible solutions for the improvement of the results, which was the books most concern. The third situation, which has difficult conversation in it is the conversation that you have with a policeman, when you violated the traffic rules.
This is a difficult conversation situation definitely, because you have opposite goals, you have the goal not to be penalized for your violation and the policeman has a goal to make you not do it again. This is when all the communication skills are necessary to use, because the policemen are usually pretty smart people and they dont want to hear any crap of you. But if they see that you clearly state your point and have a reasonable justification of the violation they may even let you go, just making a warning. Bibliography: Bolton, Robert. People Skills Simon & Schuster, 1979. ISBN: 067162248 X
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Research essay sample on Difficult Conversation Part 2
