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Playing on Purpose As Plato had said long ago: Our life is a play, and we all are just actors in it, this statement remains very true in our life nowadays. Every day we have roles that we play well, or not very well, these roles bring us to further roles and than on an on and on. More and more in the contemporary society arises a question of whether is there life without playing, can you just live without playing? You play at work when you do not want to go there you say you are ill; you play in the relationship to keep your partner; you play a role behaving your children, setting ideals in them which you yourself do not always necessarily follow. So is there life without playing? According to Websters Dictionary, Play is a free activity intrinsically self motivated, more a process and a relationship where attention is voluntarily limited. (3) Keeping this definition in mind lets look at the different types of playing that a person encounters during the course of his life.
Playing in our life has very important role, when we are children through play we learn about the world. Using toys we act our different interpersonal situations, and try to resolve different problems in life (copying grown ups). During our later life we continue playing with more expensive toys and aspect of life such as emotions, habits, feelings. The question is do we ever stop playing? It is widely known fact that infants, who for a long time do not receive any attention or contact with people, after a certain period of time die.
Thus, a lack of emotional ties can have a lethal result for a human. The studies that were conducted to prove this facts, made a very important point there is such a type of hunger, it is called sensorial hunger and the need in the life of a human being of stimuli which answer for fulfilling of physical contact and communication. (Bern 1997) This can also be regarded in the following examples: a person who has a very low limit of fright to different types if physical punishments, becomes a psychopath if he is placed in a single cell conviction for a very long. This type of punishment first leads to the loss of contact with the outside world, than leads to the fact that the person degrades and can even have lethal result. In our every day life all our transactions (meaning everything we do in life) follows a certain rhythm, some rules which are transcribed anywhere. When a relationship is just being developed the motives and the rules of the game are hidden, but at the moment when one of the partners of the game makes a move that is considered illegal in your game instructions, you repel against this move. A game with its own rules of playing is set in the core of every relationship whether it is marriage or an enemy type of relationship.
According to this belief we can deduce that most of our social lives, as it has been stated above, follow sets of rules which make up different strategies of playing games. The most important characteristic of all types of games, playing, is not the false (not honest, fake) emotional charge of the game (all people who participate in certain interpersonal communication are mot of the times opened and very honest with the people they are speaking to or the people who they are simply interacting with) it is the fact that the emotional part of the game is being controlled very well. A lot of times during emotional outbursts, you will suffer much more greatly, than you if you would have played along the rules of the game and controlled your temper. Such outburst of temper can often lead to such results as you would be socially punished you will not be socially accepted. According to the Maslows pyramid of needs, one the most primary needs of the person is the need to be accepted if you lose this part of social interaction, different things can happen to you.
Although it is also true that people cannot only play their whole lives, at times the social rules of playing go back, and the real persons nature comes forward. But even at these times there are rules of playing, it is just that they change from being social to being personal, assessed and believed in and followed by you. As we have noted numerous times above there are different types of games. According to Stevens (1990): There are different types of games - some of which are harmless and even essential to social interaction - such as the Greeting Game ("Hello, how are you?"I'm fine, how are you?" ), the Meeting Game ("So pleased to meet you") and Thanks, it was great ("Thank you for inviting me. I had a wonderful time. ") Other games are not so harmless, however.
They point to less than satisfactory interaction and communication. The harm is that they keep a relationship from developing to a more real and important level. Still other games can actually be destructive, as they are played by persons with deeper psychological needs and motivations. The intent may be power, control or manipulation, or some other not-expressed dynamic. There is an ulterior motive to the seemingly innocent exchange between two people. The interaction is not spontaneous, because there is a goal, and intention on the part of the manipulator to get the other person to do what they want. (2) Our process of playing games has origins from the moment of our birth.
At the moment when we are born, we have to way to develop as children we can either manipulate our parents, or we can develop as non-manipulators. The ways by which a child can manipulate his parent are numerous, as Dr. Maria Montessori (1936) noted in her numerous works, a manipulative child is not a healthy child. For the child has to develop as an individual and the parents are the ones to blamed for raising such a child, because they were the ones who fell in his nets of manipulating.
They followed all his whims, to make their lives easier in the first place, and thus raised a completely unprepared child for life. A person who will want to manipulate everything an everybody in his life, and if this person will not get such a chance to manipulate he will suffer from numerous psychological diseases. Many scientists and psychologists work on the problems of games, not actually the problems, but the definition and the attributes by which games can be classified, sorted, and put into certain groups and results of certain interactions. According to Stinnett (1995) there are the following types of games: Corner game, Tell me your problems game; We should do this for you game; Sweetheart game; In your decision game; Courtroom game; Camouflage game; Martyr game; Why dont you game; Yes but game; Wooden Leg; We never fight; Look how hard Ive tried; Crazy making game. (4) For the purpose of this paper we will have a short review of the main traits of these games: the first game on the list is the corner game the main idea of this game is for one person (who is the manipulator), to put the other side into such a situation that all of the actions of the second side are wrong. These situations are part of our every day life, we often take the anger out by using this gaming method but it is true if we closer attention we will see that this is just a game, and that you do not have absolutely anything against the person you are cornering. The next game is the Tell me your problems game in this game one party gets the other one to tell of the problems, with the pure intention of helping, but with a hidden motive to use the weaknesses of the other party for personal benefits later in life.
This type of a game is usually used by the motivator, to protrude the positive sides of their character, in terms of emphasizing the negative sides of their partner. The We should do this for you game - In this game one person desires to do or have something, but attempts to reach this goal by making it seem that the other person needs to have or do it. For example, the wife may feel too tired to go to her in-laws' home for dinner. Instead of simply telling her husband that she does not want to go, she suggests, "Honey, I think we had better skip dinner with your folks tonight. Don't you think you need to stay home and study?" She is not revealing her true reason for not wanting to visit her in-laws. Maybe she fears her request will be rejected if she puts it in terms of her reason, or she may want to avoid being responsible.
Another example are parents who insist that their children go to expensive schools or camps for their own benefit. In reality, the parents are satisfying their own needs for prestige or vicarious accomplishment. (4) The other type of the game is called Sweetheart, in this type of the game one side mocks the other side in public in order, to put down the mocked side, and to make oneself look better by the means of oppressing the other person. The next game is the courtroom this game involves three parties (one being the lawyer, the other the plaintiff, and the third being the judge), thus each side appeals to the judge for him to rule the decision in favor of one of the sides. This game is very often played in group interactions, where one persons seems to have to settle the disputes of the other two friends. Martyr is a game in which one person appears in some way to be mistreated or to be sacrificing a great deal in life for another. The person playing martyr talks very often about how he or she is sacrificing or about his or her unfortunate lot in life.
However, it is often the case that the game player deliberately makes the sacrifices in order to play the martyr. For example, a female executive who works long hours. She misses few opportunities to remind her family of how hard she works, and how it affects her health. This gives her power, because others feel she has given up so much for them.
The payoff for the martyr is to gain admiration and sympathy, or to make others feel guilty. (4) Some believers say that games indicate a lack of trust in the other person, an avoidance of reality, and a fear of close relationships. There is a lack of willingness to communicate with the other person directly. In the most innocent cases, they are played in an attempt at politeness, or genuine concern for the other's feelings (trying not to hurt the other). However, even these well-intended games don't always have a good end. There is a lack of "real" communication whenever a game is played. And even innocent games may reflect an unwillingness to confront something - either in themselves or in others.
Self-disclosure requires an atmosphere of trust and sincerity. Game playing, even at its best, does not create that atmosphere. (5) Although all of the people have a right to have their own opinion, and in every saying you can find some argument that you can even believe in yourself, all the games whether they are sports, gambling, or interpersonal share one thing in common. They al have rules. As long as these games are played clean and they do not hurt anyone they are good. After all if playing games was bad it wouldnt have survived the centuries, would it? Literature Berne E. , (1990) Games People Play.
Psychology of Human Relationships. Retrieved from web Montessori M. , (1936) The Secret of Childhood. New York. Ballantine Books Play Websters Dictionary. Retrieved from web Steiner C. , (1995) Scripts People Live: Transactional Analysis of Life Scripts retrieved from web Stevens K. , Playing on Purpose retrieved from web Stinnett N. , (1993) Relationships in Marriage and the Family retrieved from web
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