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... portable on closeness than the man did in their romantic relationship. P 5 - People with a high level of distrust in their partner's feelings towards them, are more likely to have unstable romantic relationships. All relationships need to be based on trust if they are going to succeed. If you don't trust the partner you are with or vice-versa, then that relationship will never have the strong foundation that relationships need in order to succeed.
Distrust in a partner's feelings will form an emotional barrier between the two participants that are involved with each other. This barrier will eventually become the main focus of the relationship thereby halting all opportunities to focus on other aspects of that relationship. (Simpson, Grace, & Ickes, 1999). For example, if a man distrusts his significant other, he may always ask if she is happy, or if anything is bothering her. She always says that she is happy and nothing is wrong, but she doesn't understand why he keeps asking. This eventually becomes more than an annoyance to her and she finally starts telling him to stop asking. The man then thinks that she is mad and has further distrust in her feelings.
This whole scenario demonstrates how the focus shifts from the relationship to his constant distrust in her feelings. P 6 - People with low self-esteem are more likely to experience feelings of jealousy in romantic relationships. Jealousy is one of the most powerful and dangerous feelings when dealing with conflict within romantic relationships. (Guerrero, 1998). Jealousy can cause depression, distrust, and /or anger, all of which are very harmful to relationships.
When one person in a relationship has a low level of self-esteem, that person has feelings of inadequacy about him / herself in some aspect of his life. The inadequacies that the person feels causes him / her to feel like his partner can get something from someone or something else that he / she can't give. (Guerrero, 1998). Therefore, when the partner shows interest in something else (e. g.
another potential mate, a job, or a new found friend), the other half of that relationship is consumed with threatening feelings that his partner is getting something, that he / she perceives as something that he / she can't give, from a source outside of their relationship. These feelings will cause conflict within him / her as well as within the relationship. Because one person in the relationship has low self-esteem, he / she believes that he needs the relationship but his / her partner doesn't necessarily need him / her . (Attridge, Berscheid, & Speeches, 1998). This will also cause the person to feel threatened when he / she thinks that there is a potential threat to that "security blanket." This threat will be shown in the form of jealousy. P 7 - Men who are controlling to their partners are more likely to become physically abusive. In many romantic relationships, one of the partners feels the need to be controlling.
They usually do this by "restricting their partners social interactions, monitoring their activities, and reducing their decision-making power." (Ehrensaft & Vivian, 1999, p. 251). Men, by nature, have the need to feel that they are always in control. This is especially evident in romantic relationships. Some men however take it to the extreme. They feel the need to watch and control their partners every move. Sometimes this controlling behavior can turn into violent behavior.
If a man, who is controlling, feels like he is losing that control, he will many times move to more extreme measures to gain that control back. A survey done on battered women showed that most women reported their partner to be controlling and restrictive before the physical abuse began. Furthermore, most battering men reported that before they became physically abusive to their intimate partners, they made "excessive attempts to limit the independence, decision making power, and social networks of their partner, in some cases they even felt entitled to control them." (Ehrensaft & Vivian, 1999, p. 253). P 8 - Couples that express empathy in conflict are more likely to develop a stable romantic relationship. When in conflict it is always important to express empathy in order for the conflict to be constructive. Empathy can be explained as having a basic understanding of what the other person is thinking and feeling.
Empathy, in my opinion, is one of the key ingredients to having successful communication. It is seen as being so important in romantic relationships that people have developed empathy-training workshops for people involved in romantic relationships. Many scholars have reported that the two main components of empathy are listening and suspending one's own thoughts and feelings. (Long, Anger, Carter, Nakamoto, & Kalso, 1999). Both of these components are essential to developing and maintaining a stable and healthy romantic relationship.
Listening can be explained as a conscious attempt to listen to all information that a partner is trying to communicate to their counterpart. If one partner never listens to the other, it is impossible to know and understand what the other person is thinking or feeling unless that person is a mind reader. Without that willingness to listen it is therefor impossible to be empathic. Suspending one's own thoughts and feelings is of equal importance. "A person cannot shown any signs of empathy if that person is overly focused upon his / her self. " (Long, Anger, Carter, Nakamoto, & Kalso, 1999, p. 236).
For example if a woman is expressing her concerns to her male partner about his lack of interest in going to the ballet, it is impossible for the man to be empathic if he is only focused on how much he hates the ballet. This then leads to conflict. However, if the man understands her wants and puts his aside, it will show empathy and promote better levels of communication. This will in turn result in a more stable relationship.
This can also work in the exact opposite context where the woman understands how much the man dislikes the ballet and puts her feelings aside. This to will develop better communication practice. P 9 - Men are more likely to withdraw from a serious discussion in a romantic relationship than women are. Men are always said to be the ones in the relationship who want to avoid conflict. This is why I believe that men are more likely to avoid serious discussions about the relationship with their partner. Most of the time when there is a conflict between a couple that is romantically involved with each other, it is the sign that there is a problem in some aspect of the relationship.
Most men learn throughout life to be problem solvers. This comes to be a problem if the conflict or "serious discussion" involves a problem that the man is unable to solve. If this is the case, the man is more likely to withdraw from that "serious discussion" than the woman is. (Vogel, Wester, & Heesacker, 1999). This male withdraw pattern can also be explained by the fact that women are many times seen as having less control in a relationship and are therefore looking to change it. This has to start by discussing the relationship. Males on the other hand are many times seen as having more control in the relationship and therefore less open to the idea of change.
This starts by withdrawing from the discussion about the relationship. (Vogel, Wester, Heesacker, 1999). As you can see, conflict happens in all aspects of romantic relationships. Like I stated earlier in this paper, sometimes it is helpful such as the use of empathy. It is also sometimes hurtful as in the case where a more controlling male is more likely to become physically abusive. However, whether it is good or bad, it is unavoidable. In these nine propositions I have shown a small fraction of a small percent of the different contexts that conflicts can occur in romantic relationships.
Whether or not you agree with my propositions, the main goal of this was to study them. As there will always be romantic relationships in existence, there will also be conflict within those relationships. If other conflicts are studied, it is conceivable that methods can be developed to make all conflicts within romantic relationships positive that will result in positive outcomes.
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Research essay sample on Conflict In Romantic Relationships
