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Marriage and Romance are everywhere in our society. Almost everywhere you look there are signs of them. Magazines, movies, books, most bare stories of this nature reflecting the wonderful perfect relationship between a man and a woman, or at lest how to be in one. Childrens stories of the Prince that saves and marries the Princess are just as common. We grow up hearing about this perfect and wonderful thing, where the prince who is strong and handsome loves and cares for the princess who is beautiful and skinny. But today things like divorce, affairs, and abuse break our ideal relationship with our spouse.
These things are common to us today. They do not shock us to hear about them. But they should, especially the last one. Spouse abuse is probably the most harmful to more people than the first two mentioned. This kind of abuse affects the abused, the abuser, the workplace, the children, the family as a whole, and your relationship with friends. To people who have never been in a violent situation it may seem unreal.
I offer this excerpt as a look at what spouse abuse is like. This is how it happens: Inside a quiet room, behind a closed door, a man calls a woman a slut and a whore. He tells her that she is too fat or too sexy or too frumpy, that she is a poor excuse for a mother, a worthless piece of dirt that only he could love. In public, when she smiles at the grocery clerk, he flies into a jealous rage. When she comes home minutes late, he grills her about where shes been.
One day, he slaps her face. The next time, he slams her head against the wall, or chokes her, or burns her with cigarettes, or drags her across the rug by her hair, his children pleading, Daddy, please dont hurt her. Then when its over, he gets down on his knees. Im so sorry baby, he says.
You are the only one I can talk to. Ill kill myself if you leave. Quivering with shame and fear, she relents. And one day, perhaps after she had finally tried to break off the relationship, she ends up dead. Every year in the United States, thousands of men assault their wives and girlfriends, raising both physical and emotional bruises from which some women never recover.
Some women die from the attacks. Others escape their abuser only to be hunted down and killed. Statistics of abuse as recited by domestic-violence workers: 100, 000 hospitalization days each year; 30, 000 emergency room visits; an estimated 2 million incidents of battering, male and female. With statistics such as these most people blame the abused for staying around. Why doesnt she just leave? Why does she stick around?
This is not unusual. Catering Steinocher, director of programming at the Corpus Christi Womens Shelter in Texas, cautions the victims that come in to her shelter not to be surprised that some friends and family members will not be supportive, in fact the victim should expect it. Do not keep quite about this! Its everybody's responsibility in your community. Denver psychologist Lenore Walker, has done extensive research on the subject of women victims of battering, and has authored several books on family violence. Her research indicates that less than 10 percent ever reported serious violence to the police.
Thats one in two hundred- seventy incidents of spouse abuse that ever get reported to the police. The severe under reporting of domestically violated women can generally be attributed to the following reasons: Victim denial Protection of the batterer Disavowal techniques to keep it in the family Silent desire to be abused Fear of alternatives (i. e. , continued abuse, loss of support). Shame Unless a woman has made a careful plan, she may not have either the means to support herself or a safe place to stay. Her self-esteem systematically chipped away, her children in need of a father, for a while it may seem less difficult to suffer another black eye or bruised rib. Most imprisoning, however, is the knowledge that if she leaves, she loses.
I stayed because when I left, I left everything I owned or loved; I left a house that was paid for, a car that was paid for. I left with two suitcases, two children and $ 1, 500 to start over again. Says Victim Coffey, now executive director of the Chicago Abused Women Coalition, who was abused by her husband. The question of why physically or emotionally battered women tolerate this mistreatment has been probed perhaps more than any other question associated with wife abuse.
On the surface it would seem to walk away from this anguish would be as simple as the front door. Some women do just that. And yet all too often, escaping an abusive spouse or boyfriend is far more difficult to do. Lenore Walker has developed a cycle theory of violence, along with a number or typical reasons to why women stay, including: Fear- of the abuser, being humiliated, having others find out, being left alone Finances- losing money, the house, standard of living Children- losing financial support for them and a father Social stigma- shame, embarrassment, being labeled.
Guilt- for bringing about the abuse or in believing that they are too needed by the abuser to leave. Role expectations- that abuse is a normal part of relationships, often based on learned experiences in childhood. The tension reduction theory advances that three specific phases exist in a recurring cycle of battering: (1) tension building, (2) the acute battering incident, and (3) loving contrition. What you dont understand is that not everyone thinks its bad. I said that the only ones who dont think its bad are those doing the abusing. - Ann, an ex-wife and victim of spouse abuse after talking to her ex-husband. Emotionally repressed males stem from broken homes or homes where the father was also abusive towards his wife and usually children too.
These kinds of males are searching to something to give them worth in their lives. They think that a display of power will make them worth something. These are five steps that emotionally repressed males tend to follow in their relationships with their spouses. Intact relationship he is seemingly loving and caring but he is really being manipulative to get what he wants Emotional pain comes after several cycles of abuse. The abused tries to understand and please him but cannot. Physical separation usually after the two emotional states are accelerated to a severe state.
Divorce or attempt reconciliation watch out! This can be a very dangerous time if you decide to permanently separate. Severe battering and even death can occur when a partner confronts her abuser and insists he stop controlling her. Researchers have put much time into trying to understand why men are abusive to the ones closest to them. Psychologists have two categories for batterers: the ones that adhere to a traditional male role and those who have a weak, immature personality. Enactment of compulsive masculinity, often referred to as machismo, is an effort to maintain complete dominance over his wif...
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Research essay sample on Spouse Abuse One Day
