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People have different conversational styles that are influenced by their parents, age, class, and gender. Usually we are unaware that these and other aspects of our backgrounds influence our ways of talking. Since we dont realize that others styles are different, we miscommmunicate with each other causing problems and conflicts in conversation. Conflicts are influenced by our gender and experienced everyday in the workplace, public, and private settings.
Men and women both have many different conversational rituals. The common rituals among men often involve using oppositions such as banter, joking, teasing, and playful put-downs. (Tannen 23) They sometime come across as hostile and arrogant when they arent trying to be. The conversational rituals common among women are often ways of maintaining an appearance of equality, taking into account the effort of the exchange on the other person, expending effort to downplay the speakers authority so they can get the job done without flexing their muscles in an obvious way. (Tannen 23) Women use conversational strategies to avoid appearing conceited and take another persons feelings into account. They may seem less confident and competent that they really are.
Both men and women feel often that they arent getting enough credit for what they have done, not being listen to, and arent getting ahead as fast as they should. Every individual has his or her own style. Women are more likely to downplay Their certainty and learned as they were growing up that sounding too sure of themselves will make them unpopular. (Tannen 36) These reactions taught girls how they are expected to talk in order to be liked. Women usually balance their own interests with those of the person they are talking to, they usually take into account the other persons feelings. (Tannen 38) This is also similar to how girls show leadership and being a leader usually involves giving directions to others. Many girls discover they get better results if they phrase their ideas as suggestions rather then orders. (Tannen 39) While women may be more liked this makes them less capable and self-assured for the workplace. Men are more likely to play down their doubts but are expected to play by different rules. (Tannen 36) Boys usually dont criticize each other for being confident with himself or taking charge because high-status boys are expected to give orders to the low-status boys who are around. (Tannen 40) Giving orders and telling others what to do are ways they keep that status.
Another way boys keep their status is by telling stories, jokes, and information. Many boys give their strong opinions to show their confidence and make sure that no one questions them. Males most often feel that they always have to be right and that they are never wrong. This is why they argue so much because they dont like to be proven wrong. Men and women mis communicate everyday in the workplace. Workdays are filled with conversations about getting the job done and they dont always succeed.
Making decisions is a crucial part of any workday. There are different ways of reaching these decisions and sometimes there are misunderstandings between the two genders. When two people with different styles have to make decisions together, there may be worse results than if their styles were the same. Women tend to ask questions when negotiating a decision.
This approach begins by being vague and works its way out to invite the other person to express their perspective. (Tannen 30) Men usually hear a vague question as an invitation to decide. They expect negotiation to proceed from the inside and work its way out by stating what they will do. (Tannen 30) Men like to take charge and say exactly what they want. While women hear a specific claim as a nonnegotiable demand making both of these styles indirect. (Tannen 31) To make good decisions, both genders must be aware of the differences in ways of speaking. Conversational conflicts are also troublesome in the private settings as well as the workplace.
One of the most discussed problems is when men dont want to stop to get directions, or any type of help that puts them in a one-down position. (Tannen 24) Women usually keep tabs on how much time they have wasted because their husbands didnt stop for directions. Men feel that they get to learn a lot about the neighborhood by driving around and touring the town or city they are in. They think that if they stop and ask that the person might give wrong directions or might not even know himself. Men are less likely to ask questions than women because they feel that asking questions would reveal their lack of knowledge. (Tannen 26) While, women will ask questions freely if they dont understand or want to know more about a topic. It seems that women who ask more questions are more focused on the information, whereas the men who dont ask are more worried about the impression their asking will make on others.
Men sometimes think that if they read it in a book or find it themselves instead of asking.
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Research essay sample on Tannen 30 Men Men And Women Dont
