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Dear Reader, If you are one of the many Westerners who harbor the myth that most or all Russian women are desperate to leave their country or want a green card, then please read my article below and consider the 12 points that I make which prove it to be a narrow-minded egocentric American myth. These points are based on my experiences of being 6 months in Russia, visiting 9 cities, and meeting hundreds of people there. Regards, Winston 12 Reasons Why Russian Women are NOT Desperate to Leave Their Country A Complete Debunking of the American Myth By Winston Wu () This article addresses a myth that comes up often during discussions about Russian women. Many ignorant Westerners (who have never been to Russia obviously) believe that most women in Russia are desperate to leave their country and get a green card to America, or they pose that as the explanation for why Russian women treat us men so much better and are more open and friendly than their Western counterparts. This myth is especially common among feminists and arrogant men.
These people make snap judgments about something they know nothing about. However, this common myth is completely wrong, and I will demonstrate this from every factual angle. Allow me to elaborate. Before I begin though, remember that Americans are not the standard to compare the rest of the world by. Just because people in other countries are different from here doesn't mean that they must have ulterior motives. Why can't people be naturally different or have different attitudes and behaviors without having something fishy up their sleeve?
Furthermore, American women are not the default standard set by God for how all women should be, and thank goodness for that too. America is a strong capitalistic country with values that encourage individualism and selfishness. Therefore, countries with different social / economic systems and values are obviously going to cultivate different kinds of people. It's as simple as that. To expect otherwise would be unrealistic. 1) First of all, the simple fact in reality is that most women in Russia are NOT trying to leave their country to live abroad. (In fact, most people in any country are not trying to leave it. ) I've met about 115 women in Russia. Out all those, only about TWO of them want to emigrate to America (and I mean move there, not just visit).
That's TWO out of 115! Do you really think that 2 out of 115 constitutes a majority? lol I hope you realize how silly this myth is now! Through the many diverse Russian women I've met in 9 cities over 6 months, here is what I've learned. The average Russian woman loves to travel to other countries due to their love of foreign culture, curiosity, and sense of adventure.
But they are not looking to move abroad permanently. It is rare to find one with the sole purpose of moving abroad. In fact, the percentage of the female population in Russia who belong to marriage agencies is far less than one percent of the population. According to the statistics on the Myths section of Elena's site (web) the percentage of the women in Russia affiliated with marriage agencies looking for foreign men is about 0. 13 percent of the total population. That's about a tenth of one percent! Such a stat is only an estimate of course, but the point is that the women looking to leave their country for good is a very small percentage of the whole, contrary to what many Americans believe and what our media likes to perpetuate.
Those that are considering moving abroad are not usually desperate to do so anyway. It is extremely rare to find a person in Russia who is desperate to leave their country, but as always, those who are are the ones who make the news, hence getting attention which contributes to this myth. As a matter of fact, many women who join internet marriage agencies are not even willing to leave their country, but are just scammers without serious intentions who get a high off of having men come and spend money on them, wine and dine them, etc. And among the sincere women in marriage agencies, they are usually just considering it as an option anyway, not basing all their hopes on it. Their view is that they would consider moving abroad for the right man that they fall in love with, but relocating is not their primary objective. Finding the right man for them is.
And even among these few who want to relocate, most of them prefer Europe rather than America because 1) the proximity is more convenient to allow them to come back to visit their families, and 2) European culture is closer and more compatible to Russian culture; it is nowhere near the extreme shock one feels transitioning from Russia to America. This myth began as a rant started by feminists to defend their pride against the tide of Western men who are looking for women abroad, painting the men as desperate losers and the foreign women as conniving users who want a green card. The media further perpetuated it to appease these feminists, whom are the main audience for their advertisers. Besides this, our media's other purpose is to motivate you to get up and go to work or school everyday to keep our economy / society productive. One of the ways of doing this is to make you think that other people are worse off than you and would give anything to be in your shoes. And of course, bad news sells better for the media and its advertisers, since people like to believe that others are worse off than they are and would give anything to be in their shoes, to keep themselves motivated in their current situation in life.
To get an idea of Russian people's views on emigration, check out these interviews with everyday people there at this site. You will see that almost none of them are trying to leave their country. web Also, many Russian women are not even drawn to the USA. For example, here's what a Russian girl from Moscow that I corresponded with said to me in a letter: Elvira: "To be honest i don't like usa at all, i can move there but only if it is strongly needed (if i fall for an american). Many of my friends was there (with families or for student exchange Work&travel usa) and say something similar to: "they have no culture, but the money... money and nothing more is interesting for them", Doesnt sound inspiring... " Perceptions of American life such as hers are more common than you might think.
Now, here is a challenging question for the Westerners out there who believe in this myth. I have heard that in Saudi Arabia, the natives see Americans there who came on a spiritual pilgrimage to Mecca, which they consider the spiritual center of the world. This leads them to assume that most Americans must be desperate to leave their country to come to Saudi Arabia and Mecca. After all, that's what they see happening around them.
Now, let me ask you this. Are they right that most Americans are trying to leave their country to find salvation in Saudi Arabia? Is that what they would find if they came here? If not, then why not? After all, that's what they see going on in their country. They are doing the same thing YOU do, looking around their immediate surroundings and making snap judgments.
You see a few Russians around you in your country, hear stories on your news, etc. and assume that most Russians want to come to your country. Therefore, their reasoning process is no different than yours. Do you see how faulty and narrow your myth is now? Now you should understand what I've discovered in Russia, which is that people in general there are not desperate to leave their country at all, which is what Saudi Arabians would discover about America if they came here. In fact, there's really no such thing as a "Russian mail order bride" anymore than there is a Santa Claus.
You cannot just go online and "order" a wife or bride. That denigrating term and concept was created by our media for political and social reasons to help foster patriotism and appease a feminist audience. You can read about this in more detail at: web order brides/ web Also check out the FAQ's and misconceptions section of: web Sorry folks, but the truth is, in real life you can't "buy" or "order" a bride from Russia, contrary to the fictional concept created by our media. Those marriage/ introduction /dating agencies out there simply allow you to purchase their womens' contact information, not sell away their individual rights. You " ve still got to win their hearts or attraction to you. Of course, there are prostitutes in Russia that you can buy for a while, but these internet marriage / dating agencies are not in that business.
They are either legit, or else they are trying to scam you with fake photos of women. But in either case, they are NOT letting you buy or order actual women to be brides. Of course, these agencies all have their share of gold diggers, visa whores, and leisure smoothers, but they have many quality women who are not like that at all. 2) Second, as I mentioned above, most of the women that are in those online marriage agencies are NOT there for the sole purpose of getting out the country. They are there because there is a shortage of good men in their country who behave decently and can financially provide for them (see the next point on surpluses and shortages) and they want to see if they can meet such a man for them. IF they meet that right man, THEN they will consider relocating to his country if he wishes. But their main objective is NOT to get out of their country!
Now, if you want to claim that some of these Russian women want a foreign man because he has more money and is a better provider, that may be a factor, but you " ve also got to ask yourself, how is that any different from an American woman (or any woman for that matter) who wants a partner who is financially stable and a good provider for the family? Such double standards are too prevalent in our society. Motives are not mutually exclusive, contrary to what some ignorant people want to believe. Also, even with the ones that want to leave their country, at least they want to leave with someone they LOVE and is COMPATIBLE with them, not just anybody! Just because someone wants a foreign mate doesn't mean they " ll take anyone! Common sense should tell you that.
Think about it and put yourself in their shoes. If you wanted to move to a country by marrying someone there, would you take anyone, or something you are compatible with and love? Likewise, if an American woman wanted to have children and raise a family, do you think she will just marry anyone who could give her that? No, of course not. She would want the right person for her and her future family, someone she's compatible with who has the qualities that she desires, who could capture her heart and provide for her. So would you say then that her ONLY motive for being with any man was just to use him?
Obviously not. So why would it be any different for a Russian woman who wanted to marry a foreigner? People are so quick to believe the worst about others, which is sad because it marks a sign of a dysfunctional psyche. 3) Third, in Russia there is a big SURPLUS of attractive mentally healthy single women, rather than a shortage like in the US. In the US there is a surplus of nice good single men and a shortage of nice attractive mentally healthy single women. As a result, even the less attractive women in the US can afford to become pickier, and good single American men can easily have trouble finding available decent women. Just go to any bar or nightclub in the US and you " ll see that usually the men outnumber the women.
And even the unattractive women in those places seem like princesses to the surplus of disgruntled chumps there. It's a really pathetic scene for the nice guy. But in Russia, the deck is stacked in the average man's favor rather than against him like in the US. The surplus of available women is another factor in why Russian women are friendly and approachable. In fact, a Russian woman I am corresponding with named Natasha wrote this below in response to my question of why she was seeking a foreign mate. "Why do you seek foreign relations? Because its very difficult to find someone special in my city.
I live in a small city, we have a lot of girls, but not many boys. Some of boys doesn't want to have serious relationship, they want to have girl for one night, you understand what i mean. Some of them like to have fun and not care about future, some of them married and some of them prefer to drink to much. That is why i'm trying to find someone special abroad. " Well she has a good point here if you think about it. If the women outnumber the men, then the men will be less inclined to marry or have serious relationships because they are able to play around and have multiple relationships at the same time.
Not that that's a good thing, but that describes the nature of many men. (However, I have to admit that unfortunately, this also means that many Western men who go to the Former Soviet Union will also be tempted to not get serious in a monogamous relationship, and instead just to play around with multiple women. ) 4) Fourth, the women in Russia are naturally communicative, curious, and intellectual. They typically have a wide variety of interests too. Therefore, they are obviously going to be naturally outgoing and communicative with me out of sheer curiosity if nothing else. 5) Fifth, I can tell you from experience that overt friendliness and hospitality is an integral part of Russian culture. As my friend Masha told me after my first 6 week trip to Russia: "I don't think that Russians treated you so well only to your being a rich, Hospitality is an integral part of Russian character, and you can see it during travelling by trains when people in one compartment became good friends, spending together not much time and treating each other with their food.
On my way to Izhevsk, I was in one compartment with an old woman and spent 2 days together and she told me about all her life since her childhood and when she got off the train (but earlier than I) she introduced me to all her relatives who came to meet her at the station. So, don't think that you was met good only due to your been a foreigner, rich foreigner, may be, you can't understand why they did so, and I can't explain-it's Russian character, if you " ll come to Russia again and live for a while, may be then you will understand and even feel why. " Well she was right. After 6 months in Russia the second time, I experienced what she meant. I definitely felt the hospitality and friendliness that was an integral part of Russian culture and soul.
It is something that exists naturally, straight from the depths of people's souls, without agenda or motive. And it's sad that many Americans cannot fathom such a concept that's above their heads, since in our western materialistic individualistic society, actions almost always have motives and agendas. That says sad things about what our society, though economically prosperous, has become. Our mistaken mentality is that just because we tend to be agenda-driven, does not mean other people are too. 6) Sixth, Russian women come from a different economic / social system than ours, which give them a different mentality and social attitude than us.
Our country is based on a strong capitalistic system that is Darwinistic in nature and fosters individualism. Competition is the basis of our culture and economy, and therefore becomes our mentality as well. This means that people either have money, or they are striving to be better than everyone else. This competitive mentality eventually leads us to become more "stuck up" toward others than we would otherwise be. We evaluate others in terms of their worth, and compare ourselves to them. This creates a rivalry mentality that leads fellow human beings in our country to see each other as opponents or adversaries.
And sadly enough, having a lot of money and material possessions changes your attitude toward others, making you more spoiled and "stuck up." On the other hand, countries like Russia are accustomed to a more socialistic system that is less individualistic and competitive in nature. Therefore, people's mentality and attitude are going to be different obviously. In poor countries, people don't have as much money and material possessions, so therefore they are not so spoiled and "stuck up" as people in capitalist countries. What they lack in material assets, they make up for in personality and soulfulness. It's a simple trade-off here. In the US, it's vice versa of course.
Therefore, it is not realistic to expect them to be the same as us (and thank goodness for that). And that's one reason why people in general in Russia are more open and friendly. Therefore, the major factor in why Russian women are so much friendlier and open has to do with the economic / social system they live under and the mentality it produces, and not because they are desperate to leave their country. 7) Seventh, women in...
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