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... dge Says: The power of this introduction comes from its attention to detail. The question Why am I doing this? gains support from every horrible detail: the exhaustion, the terrifying man, and the specks of spit flying from his mouth!
With such strong supporting evidence, the quotation takes on a life of its own. Your reader will find himself thinking, Why would anyone do that? Id like to find out Back to Top
Examples:
High school is a strange time. After three years of trying to develop an identity and friends in middle school, students are expected to mature immediately on the first day of ninth grade.Essay Edge Says: Be careful not to make statements in your introduction that seem too exaggerated or unrealistic. After all, no one expects a student to immediately mature on the first day of ninth grade. Moreover, if your reader senses that you attained most of your maturity at the beginning of high school, he or she might be less than impressed with your character development. It would be better to state, students are expected to enter a new environment in which they must function with far greater maturity.
To this day, the United States remains driven by the American Dream, and we often hear of immigrants who come to this country to search for opportunities that their native countries lack.Essay Edge Says: This is an excellent way to introduce a discussion of a person who has influenced you significantly. Instead of launching immediately into a list of this mans excellent qualities and admirable accomplishments, this introduction lays the foundation for a comprehensive look at just why the man had such a profound impact on you. It also places the most importance on the American Dream, as is fitting in an essay like this one.
In these tales, immigrants succeed through hard work, dedication, and a little luck. As idealistic as the story may seem, I have been fortunate enough to experience its reality in the life of one very important man. His example has had great impact on my personal expectations and goals, and the manner in which I approach my own life.
Art is a reflection of one's self-identity in the most unaffected manner. Because art is very personal, it has no right or wrong.Essay Edge Says: The first two sentences in this introduction set the kind of tone you want to maintain throughout your essay: introspective and creative. However, it moves on to a very boring and stilted structure in the third sentence. To keep the tone creative, you could replace that sentence with the following: Although artistic expression can take many forms, it is music that has captivated me. Back to Top
The type of art that has influenced me most is music.
It is always in the first person and usually takes an informal, conversational tone: Examples:
At times, I think the world around me is crumbling to the ground, but it never does. Like most people, I face the crunches of deadlines and endless demands on my time, but I have never encountered the type of adversity that can crush people, that can drive people crazy, that can drive them to suicide.Essay Edge Says: This introduction is indeed compelling, but it raises important questions about appropriate content. Be careful to avoid writing a personal essay that is far too personal. You do not want your reader to think that you might have character weaknesses that prevent you from handling stressful situations well.
I chuckle to myself every time I think about this. I am perceived as a mild-mannered, intelligent individual until I mention that I am involved in riflery.Essay Edge Says: Did the first sentence of this introduction confuse you? This was no doubt its intention.
By creating a little mystery in the first sentence, the reader is forced to keep reading and keep wondering, what is this kids secret? until the final word, which pops in the readers mind, sort of like a gunshot: riflery. Back to Top
If you are going to use a question, make sure that it is an extremely compelling one and that your experiences provide answers. Example:
Influence? Why is it that the people who influence us most influence us in ways that are not easily quantified? Through her work with abused children, my mother has shown me the heroism of selfless dedication to a worthy cause.Essay Edge Says: With one word, this introduction takes an essay question about the person who has most influenced you and turns it back around to the admissions board.
In effect, you are telling them that you have thought about their question thoroughly. You have thought about it for so long that you have a couple of questions of your own - questions that have sparked an interesting commentary. Back to Top
The admissions committee is interested in how you respond to the quote and what that response says about you. Examples:
John F. Kennedy said, "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country. " I see academics as a similar two-way interaction: in the classroom, I will do much more than take up valuable space. Because of the broad range of experiences I have had, my knowledge of many subjects is thorough. These experiences will help me perform well in any class, as I have learned how to use my time efficiently.Essay Edge Says: This is a risky quote with which to begin an essay. After all, it is difficult to imagine a more time-worn or oft-repeated statement.
However, this introduction goes on to apply this quote in a relatively unique manner. The contrast between such a standard quotation and such an interesting application will likely catch your readers attention.
"Experience is what you receive when you dont get what you want. " I remembered my fathers words as I tried to postpone the coming massacre. Just as during the fall of the Roman Empire, my allies became enemies and my foes turned into partners. In fast and furious action with property changing hands again and again, I rested my fate on the words of one man, hoping he would rescue me from this dangerous tailspin. Do these experts realize the heartbreak they are inflicting on my young life? While the uncertainty of tomorrows attire is the most pressing concern for many seventeen-year-olds, I must worry about much greater issues!Essay Edge Says: Quoting a person with whom you enjoy a close relationship is generally preferable to quoting a famous source. This passages strength comes from the brief, understated role that the quote plays. The short statement introduces the rest of the paragraph and presents the fundamental point, and then the essay moves on to examine specific details. This is the ideal role of a quotation. Back to Top
It is August 31, the market is down over 300 points and the value of my stock portfolio is falling fast.
Now its your turn.
Select one of the above styles (or make up your own) and try to write an introduction to your essay. Spend some time picking the right style and choosing the best words possible. Continue to Conclusions
From ESSAYS THAT WILL GET YOU INTO COLLEGE, by Amy Burnham, Daniel Kaufman, and Chris Down. Copyright 1998 by Dan Kaufman. Reprinted by arrangement with Barron's Educational Series, Inc.
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