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What if your life was centralized around the plans and desires of another person? If every plan you made, every vacation you took was based upon someone elses wishes in conjunction with your own and what if that person was to die? What would you do? Could you survive emotionally as well as physically? These questions are asked about 800, 000 time a year to the bereaved spouses who have just lost a loved one, it happens to people of all ages but some of the people it hits hardest are the elderly. In the social aspect of life women are superior they make most of the social contacts while engaged in the bonds of marriage.
The annual incidence of spousal loss through death has been estimated to be 1. 6 % for elderly men and 3. 0 % for elderly women (Murrell SA, Himmelfarb S 1989). It is the 1. 6 % of the aged that is hit hardest by the loss of a spouse. A study by Harris (1993) noted four types of male caregivers to women afflicted with Alzheimers disease; The Worker, The Labor of Love, Sense of Duty, At the Crossroads. Although these women were not dead they were unable to interact in the social forum. This study depicted the lives of these men as ones of servitude and compassion to their wives but an empty and lonely social life.
The first group that was examined was The Worker. This group oriented to their new caregiver role by modeling the role after their work role, so that caregiving became for them a new work identity. Instead of being an accountant or salesman they are now a caregiver. These men change their lives in order to care for their wives. This task to them is not a question of why but one of how.
Some of the husbands in this group set up mini offices in their homes in order to keep track of medical expenses and set up schedules for caring for their wives. The man that was interviewed for this study had set up an office in his house. He was a self made man whos only mind set in life was one of business and, to him, it only made sense to treat this responsibility as a job. Mr. H is the primary care giver of his wife and at present he receives no outside services. I am the laundress, cook shopper, podiatrist I keep my phone right here on my desk and daily keep after Medicare, Blue Cross to make sure they follow up.
He has been married to his wife for 54 years and he has only one child who left home. Their contact with their daughter is usually by phone and is infrequent. Mr. H is only one of the four perspectives of the socially isolated elderly male caregiver.
When people marry they share a love that lasts each of them their entire lifetime. For the men who fit into the Labor of love criteria their acts are not driven by responsibility but are done as expressions of the love they feel for their spouse. Each (of these men) looked at his wife now and saw her as she was when he married her (Harris, 1993). Even though these men love their wives dearly they are still susceptible to stress; this stress can at times be debilitating.
The men in each model require a little support from outside services. Mr. N, who has been married to his wife for fifty years, fit into the category of the Labor of Love and has become sensitive to the needs of his wife and is willing to do anything for her, but at times he needs time for himself. He calls in a nurse to look after his wife he says that he does this when he is about to break.
These outside resources are almost a necessity in todays fast paced world. The demands placed upon the individual are massive almost too much to handle. In this study most of the men fell into the group called the Sense of Duty. For these men the women the loved are a responsibility it is not as if they dont care for their wives it in fact is the opposite they care for their wives too much to let anybody else care for them. It is a duty that is a necessity because they would demand the same.
Why do I do it? It goes back to my basic philosophy. This is part of life, and she would have done the same thing for me (Harris, 1993). This was said by Mr. P a retired NASA employee he has been married for 50 years and for the past months his wife has steadily declined to the final stages of Alzheimers disease.
Although the man who was interviewed for this study lived in a home containing three generations he was the sole provider of assistance to his wife. The last words quoted by this man sum up the caregiving role of sense of duty; I will never abandon her. (Harris, 1993) These men after a period of time feel as if only they can give the attention and personalized services that their wives need. The time when a caregiver is most helpless is when the issue of caregiving first rises; the men who fell in to this category had never had to deal with caring for the person who looked after them. As Harris (1993) noted These men are usually the new caregivers whose wives are in the early stages of the disease. These men were most often in crisis. For these men every problem they face is a new one they do not know what they are supposed to be doing and they also dont know haw to do the tasks that are necessary in the early stages of the disease.
This group is one of the highest subscribers of outside help. It is not because they do not care for their wives it is because they do not know how to care for them. Mr. K was interviewed during a time of high stress, his wifes condition had just worsened and he had not formulated a plan to care for her. He still loves her but he is confused throughout the interview he kept repeating Heres the dilemma; I have to start making arrangements. I have to deal with it.
It is so frustrating, she is so young. These typologies and common themes were derived from fifteen interviews. To better demonstrate the experience the role of a male care giver commonalities within the groups need to be recognized. Although this framework covers some of the spectrum of caregiver behavior it would not be safe to say that it is the mold to be fit into. One of the greatest dangers in life is being frozen into rigid roles that limit ones self development and self expression. (Better, 1970).
The men in these groups all expressed the need to express themselves; they felt as if they had no one to talk to or help available. Perhaps men in their seventh and eight decades no longer have the powerful motivational bonds for continuity and interaction that accompany career / job and a wife and children who depend upon them, and - maybe- need to admit their new reality and deal with it. (Gryzack, 1999) When a situation arises and help is needed only a small amount of people can be counted upon to provide assistance. The average active social network is between sixteen and fifty people (Wegner, 1989) and of those people approximately only one third can be counted upon for assistance. On average that is about five to seven people who are almost always family members. Within social support groups there are three criteria to be examined size and density, linkages, and content and composition. Size in a social support group is just that, it is the number of people in the group.
Density is the amount of people in the group who are known to each other. An example of a high-density group is a network made up of those involved with one particular elderly person, since the majority of the members live in close proximity to one and other. A study by Wellman (Wegner, 1989) showed that groups of high density are well integrated, small in numbers, with powerful linkages within them which provides ample emotional support, which is dependable. Small dense networks have the flaw of hindering knowledge because there is a propensity for the group to avoid seeking formal services. If a person is in a social support network...
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Research essay sample on Sense Of Duty Amount Of People
