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Bambi's Lousy Childhood One lousy morning, the sound of voices were so damn loud, that it woke me up. I leaned over my branch, and saw a scrawny and foggy, newborn fawn cuddling with his mother, surrounded by a goddamn crowd of animals. From that moment I realized that the forest prostitute has struck again. I dont know why the hotshot King of the forest doesnt mind his wife being a prostitute, I mean he probably doesnt even know its his son. Anyway, thats another story. Since dawn, Thumper the annoying rabbit had been spreading the crappy news, about the Prince being born and all, and then the stupid animals came from all over the forest, just to admire the ugly turd like he was some hot shot or something.
After all the animals were finished starring down the son of a bitch, they decided to bring Bambi for a walk. The Queen said it would be fine as long as I, the owl, go with them. Unfortunately I had no choice, but to go, because if I didnt Id probably get a beating from the King. He always does that kind of stuff.
I mean if his family doesnt get what they want, they cry to the King, and then a big rumble starts, and no matter what the King wins. Even if the whole forest was against him. And on top of all that, it was my goddamn duty, to watch the Prince grow up, and make sure that nothing harms him. So, I had to follow Bambi, and his little friends, to explore the forest, and the world, and all, with Thumper teaching the puny fawn all he knew. Not like it would help the Prince anyway. There are lots of different plants and animals in the forest, stated the rabbit with his stupid lisp and his clown voice.
That moment a butterfly caught Bambi's eye. Tha? Thats a butterfly, Thumper said. But-but-butterfly! Bambi repeated senselessly. Finally the little turd learned something new.
Bambi was very happy in the forest and all. He made all kinds of friends, and his mother the forest prostitute, taught him all sorts of crap. He learned what plants he could eat, and where water was found, thats not bad for a newborn retard. The son of a bitch asked his mother millions of questions, and then got tired and wanted to play. Not far away the ugly fawn saw something that interested him. It was a goddamn pool of water.
Bambi leaned over, and then freaked out and backed away like an idiot. In the water he saw another ugly turd that looked and did exactly everything that he did. It did every single damn move and all. His mother explained to him that it was only his reflection, and the son of a bitch went back to the goddamn pool and took a little drink.
Across the pool, Bambi saw a little female deer. Once again the little idiot got scared and ran behind his mother. Then the bitch explained to him that the female deer was a friend, named Faline, and that Bambi can play with her. So Bambi and Faline went off for a walk in the woods. One crappy day, right in the middle of Bambi and Faline's game, all the stupid animals in the forest started rushing by them. One of them happened to be Bambi's mother.
Quick Bambi! Follow us, there is men in the forest! she cried as she protected the two little turds. When there is danger, you must come and hide here, explained his mother as they hid in a goddamn bush, in the deepest part of the forest. The hunters wont come this way? asked Bambi.
No, its too far for them. And besides, its your fathers territory, and he will protect you with his life, said the forest prostitute. At that moment a tall and built hotshot stag, appeared from the shadows. I am your father, Bambi, the King of the Forest. One day when you are grown, youll take my place.
The son of a bitch was so impressed he couldnt even speak. I mean if my father was the King, and I just met him for the first time, Id probably feel the same way. One Goddamn freezing morning, a few days later, the cold awakened the scrawny fawn. When the son of a bitch opened his eyes, he saw a goddamn white blanket covering the frozen ground.
Once again the retard freaked out and tried to run to his mother, but slipped on a goddamn patch of ice. Finally after several tries of constantly slipping like an idiot, Bambi's mother helped him up and showed him how to glide his feet on the ice. I cant believe how stupid he his. The damn snow continued to fall and it soon became hard to find stuff to eat. Im awfully hungry, mother, whined the goddamn son of a bitch continuously. Be patient, said the bitch, spring will come again.
Suddenly, a damn gun rang out, and echoed into the forest. Run Bambi! Run and hide! Dont look back! screamed the bitch a thousand times, as loud as she could. The little turd ran deep in the forest, until he was out of breath.
The son of a bitch finally stopped, looked back and cried for his mother. Mother where are you? Mother? cried the ugly fawn as loud as he could.
Then from out of the shadows Bambi's hotshot father appeared beside him. Youre mother cant be with you anymore. Humans have taken her away. Now you must be brave. Come my son, explained the huge stag. Winter felt like a million years, and then finally spring came.
The little turd had changed to a hotshot stag like his father. The muscular stag wanted to play with his friends, but they too damn busy because of matting season. Then that second Bambi heard a familiar voice. Whats the matter Bambi? Dont you remember me?
asked his old fried Faline. The young stag was too damn shy because Faline had become goddamn beautiful. Faline gave him a bit of encouragement and invited him to go for a goddamn walk. After a couple of minutes, another huge stag named Ronno burst out of a goddamn bush and tried to take Faline away. Bambi realized that if he wanted to be with Faline hed have to fight the son of a bitch. Every time something good is about to happen for Bambi, something has to go wrong.
That must be a pain in the ass. The two deer shoved themselves around and there goddamn antlers clashed. Suddenly, Bambi gave such a hard push; Ronno flew back and fell on his ass. After that damn fight, Bambi and Faline looked at each other, knowing that not a goddamn thing can separate them. His hotshot father observed the fight and decided that Bambi can now take care of himself. So, the King of the Forest handed his goddamn throne to his son.
That made Faline the Queen, what a lucky bitch. He and Faline were very happy together. The following spring, familiar noises woke me up, like two years ago. I leaned over my branch, and saw that Faline brought not only one, but another two goddamn fawns into the lousy world. Thumper the annoying rabbit announced the crappy news to all the forest animals. The goddamn animals came from all over the forest just to admire the newborn turds.
Then I realized that Id have to keep an eye on another two goddamn fawns, and watch theyre lousy childhood, until theyre able to take care of themselves. God do I hate my life. The End
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