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Sassy has been my friend for the past eight years. We met in middle school when she moved to my town. We grew up together and there are a lot of similarities in our lives. Sassy is now a homemaker who lives in New Jersey.
Last year she changed roles from being a second grade teacher and wife to become a new mother. Ten years from now she said, "I see myself working in a classroom again. I would love to go back to teaching. I miss teaching so much. I want to have more children and I plan to teach while I'm raising them. " She also said, "I hope my life will still be fun and less stressful in years to come. " When I asked her about work she was very abrupt with her comments.
She was a school teacher, but now the only way she can escape from caring for her daughter and out of the house is when she works at her part time job at the family clothing store called Old Navy. Since I worked with her at Old Navy, I knew that she really seemed to love her job there. At times there were certain coworkers that got on her nerves, but that was sometime else to joke about when we talked. When I asked her why she worked at Old Navy she responded, "Old Navy is where shopping is fun again, it is causal and laid back so I don't have to sweat the small stuff.
I am in control of my own department and enjoy being with younger people and being able to help them. " She also added, "There are so many people who work here and I get along with most of them. As for those who I don't get along with, I don't have to put up with them everyday. " When she was asked why she didn't leave and get another job, she said, "I tried going to a very fancy clothing store, Only, but that was too boring. I wanted a job that was fun and enjoyable to help me get away from my daily routine. " Sassy really did not talk about her relationship with her boss. When directly asked she said, "There is always something about your boss that you can't stand, but they are higher than I am so it's really not my place to say anything. " She told me stories that detailed how most of the other workers did not get along with her boss.
She was able to joke around about her job. She took it seriously to a point, but not excessively so. Her job was a good excuse to get her out of the house and change roles for a few hours. When she has a problem with someone at the store, she puts it out of her head and later she calls me and explains everything in detail. Almost every time we talk she will joke around and make fun of her coworkers. Sassy said that she loves her job and thanked me for insisting that she apply at Old Navy.
She is having fun and moving up to the job position of key holder. Now she is making enough to pay for her daughter's fun expenses and even saves a little for vacations. I asked her about leaving this job once her children are grown. She said, "I think by then it will be time for me to move on. I love my job at Old Navy and watching my child grow, but I know that I enjoy working in the classroom more. I love teaching and it's hard enough given it up at this point." She uses anticipation to plan ahead for the future by planing to take refresher courses at a local university and also to save some of the money she earns for vacations.
Sassy's family was very supportive of all its family members when she was growing up. Her mother and father have always been in her life and helped her when she needed it. Her mother was a head nurse in a hospital in New York City, while her father stayed at home and took care of the house, because he was on a disability leave. Her brother was kicked out of the house when he was eighteen and now lives on his own, but they are still a very close family and spend a lot of time with each other. As a teenager, she was afraid of getting kicked out so she tried her best to be responsible and stay in control of her life. Her younger sister, Beth, is an over achiever who plans to attend Princeton University.
Beth was always the one to receive the positive attention. She convinced her family to go along with her environmental issues. This made Sassy feel as though her efforts to do well in school and to be part of happy and healthy family of her own were not of value. At least every other week Sassy complained that she was ill or had some injury and needed the attention of her family and others to make her feel better. She was using hypochondriasis to get others to care about her and focus additional attention on her. When a small event occurs in her life she likes everyone to be fully aware of it.
She also likes to stretch the truth and tell lies in an attempt to make people believe her. When I asked her about her lifestyle when she was growing up with her parents Sassy said: "We are totally different, there is nothing to compare. " Her father grew up with his three brothers in a ghetto in Newark and he had to work full time and go to school to survive with just the essentials of life. Her mother's life was a little different. She lived near the New Jersey shore in a tiny house. She had two brothers and a sister. There was fighting in the family but most times they got along and they still do to some extent.
Sassy's family is now supportive and financially well off. She said that she feels that she is living in a different world from her parents. Some of Sassy's thinking is filled with distortion. She can't see that in some ways her family now is like her mother's was when she was growing up at the beach.
Her mother worries that Sassy will end up not being close to her siblings and other family members. At the present time, Sassy is trying to portray her life as better than it actually it. This seems to make her feel happy and she doesn't worry as much about the future. She wants to go back to teaching to enjoy her life and also to be able to help support her family.
When asked about her childhood and specifically if she could change it in anyway she responded after a long pause: "I would change my relationship with my parents. Now we are not close at all, because they never seem to understand me. For example, I could not tell them when I broke up with my boyfriend because they loved him so much and considered him a member of the family. They took him into my family and always welcomed and helped him. It took them over six months to finally see that our relationship was over. I just wish they could understand me better. " Then she added: "it's hard for me to ask my parents for anything whether it's money or even for help to take care of my daughter.
I believe they think I am alright, but I actually could use some encouragement." I then asked Sassy about the past relationships that she had in her life. She began to tell me, that as far as boyfriends where concerned, she never felt in control of a relationship. She would always agree to do whatever the boyfriend wanted so he would be happy and she would always have someone in her life. Sassy said, "I never wan...
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