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I Dont Know How She Does It by Allison Pearson 1. 37 am Why am I up at this time of night distressing the M& S mince pies for Emily's carol concert when Ive got to fly to New York first thing? Because I cant trust Rich to do it. And whys he called Rich when he earns less than the nanny? Come to think of it, why am I called Kate Reddy, my boss Rod Task and my email flirted Jack Abelhammer? Oh, I see, Ive got into one of those books where peoples names describe their characters in a terribly amusing way. 8. 52 am Sorry about that, Ive got a bit more time to chat now Im in midair. So what do you need to know?
Im a fund manager with Ernest Morgan Foster; Ive got two gorgeous kids, Emily and Ben, whom I feel tremendously guilty about. Ah, that reminds me. There, Ive just ticked all the boxes for the Hamlets catalogue. Now where was I? Ah yes, all men are useless. Things to remember: cancel the stress-busting massage. 6. 03 am Just back from New York.
Almost had sex with Jack. Rich tries to bully me into a reunion shag, but I pretend to fall asleep. We need to talk, he says later. Dont you realise Ive got a very important presentation in 50 minutes? I reply. Life is so much tougher for women. 10. 49 am Presentation interrupted by the arrival of my dad.
The loser needs some money. Will 163; 10 K do? I snap. Why does every mega-woman have a useless father?
Why cant I have an easy life earning the same mega-bucks churning out dreary columns or chatting to Tom and Tony? 2. 42 pm Momo and I won the right to manage the ethical fund. Hooray. Rich has left home. The nanny's gone Awol.
A colleagues wife has died, adding pathos and poignancy to my predicament. 7. 10 pm My kids fail to recognise me. 7. 12 am Some porno pics of Momo were found by her doing the rounds at work. Persuade hated male colleague who did this to invest in my dads project, thereby paying off his debts and wasting EMFs money. 9. 15 am Resign from EMF. Sell house, move to Derbyshire to return to honest working-class roots. Am back with Rich, kiss kiss.
Never did shag Jack, boo hoo. The kids have never been happier. And whos this at the door? My sister Julie saying the local dolls house factory is about to close. Do I spot an opportunity? The digested read, digested: A passingly amusing newspaper column mistakenly allowed to get totally out of hand
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Research essay sample on Ive Rich Kids