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How Children Deal With Death Death is hard to deal with for everyone, but for children especially; they view death in various ways at different ages. At these ages children need help and guidance from their parents. The first step is to help them feel a part of the whole experience, doing this will allow them to deal with the death. The rest is council ing and (quick step number two; ) the parent?
s main part should be to listen while the child talks, doing this is very helpful for understanding the child. This is also very beneficial because it gives the child a chance to get his / her feelings off, this relieves certain tensions. So in order to help children get through the grieving process age and maturity level of the child must be considered, and council should be centered around the limitations of those statistics. Infants are one group, with no real understanding of death but they can react to the way their parent / s react / s to loss. When the physical love that a parent can provide is suddenly missing, the child does have fears of separation.
Infants are also very tuned in to their parents? feelings of stress and sadness. In relation to these feelings there might be noted physical expressions such as: crying, crankiness, rashes and clinging. How one can handle this is to talk with others about one? s concerns with family members, or even the funeral director; he / she has a good chance of knowing what to do. Seek support and help from family and friends.
Parent / s should try spending more time each day with the child to ensure a secure feeling for the child. (Wolfelt) I have learned on the Discovery channel that children who are physically touched develop better and more fully, so loving them patting them and holding them often does worlds of help. (experiment covered by the Discovery channel) For children ages two and a half to five; this is the stage at which the child is likely to confuse death as a reversible event like sleeping. Or the death of someone close to them could be viewed as punishment for something they have done; make sure they know this is not so. Children of this age are egocentric and believe everything that happens to be caused by them or that they will? catch? death and die as well.
A child might also believe death to always be result of violence, this belief might have come from what they see on TV. Behaviors to look for are: the child showing little concern for favorite TV shows, going back to bedwetting, thumb sucking, baby talk or fear of the dark. These actions may be signs of/ or warn of depression. (Vogel 16) It is a good idea for the parent might want to explain to the child how life might be different, daily routines stopped, parents / family grieving, funeral arrangements, and a house full of people. Terms such as dead and death should be used to explain to the child why he won? t be seeing the dead person anymore.
Try and avoid euphemisms they can often mislead, best use the word dead this is to the point and truthful and will not lead to conflicts in the future. Reassurance to the child that death doesn? t hurt is beneficial, the person will always love the child, as well as: ? we will always remember him? ; these phrases are comforting to hear. Consider the way the child will act and be ready for any moving (if not disturbing) questions. (Vogel 16) For children ages five to nine death is only a possibility for others, that they are invincible. Whereas those of age nine to eleven; are more understanding of death, that it is not partial to anyone, that even they too could die.
When there is death in the family the child may question the biological and physical aspects of death, or be interested in the funeral arrangements. If there is a death close to the child (relationship wise) his / her behavior may include crying, anxiety, headache, abdominal pain, denial of death, poor grades, hostility and lack of attention. As well as loss of manual skills, withdrawal, becoming anti social, turning to drugs and sometimes may display similar symptoms of deceased person. To help preteens you can tell them that even though there may be no feeling of grief at the time, that the grief just might hit them much later on, or during an event like Christmas. It is good for children to know crying is healthy, to let it out other wise stress can build up and life can get miserable. Encourage them to go to the funeral; this is important for closure, to see the body peaceful and to verify death is vital for last sight memory of the deceased to be one of comfort and peace. (Vogel 18) Since the funeral is a significant event, children should have the same opportunity to attend as any other member of the family.
They should be allowed to attend, never forced. Parents should explain the purpose of the funeral. It? s an opportunity to help, support and comfort each other, as well as a time to honor the life of the person who has died. (Wolfelt 28) Listen to what they have to say, usually just listening helps immensely. (Vogel 18)? Touching and holding the child can be as important as the things we say. Listening means responding to the needs of the whole person, not just to the words spoken.
It means being accepting rather than judgmental. It means opening ourselves to involvement and the possibility of being hurt. Listening is a form of loving! ? (Vogel 16) Speaking of listening, adolescents can have much to say and need to be heard. Teens are almost like adults; an adolescent is more understanding of death and is able to think more abstractly.
However, suicide is looked at as means of getting back at someone or to teach a lesson. Teens know that life is fragile; this knowledge shows the complexity of their understanding life and death, more so than the other ages. Some behaviors to watch for are that of anger, aggression, wanting to assume a more adult role in family status and increased risk taking. ? When my mom died, I thought my heart would break, but I couldn? t cry? (Quoted from Wolfelt 32) That is true, because I never shed a tear for my grandfather when he died but that doesn not mean I didn? t care; he was the type who didn?
t want a big deal made out of himself. Humble if you will. Some response to teens experiencing death close to them would be to encourage and try to continue family communication, possibly with trusted friends. It is important to have lots of physical touching and for the teen to hear the phrase? I love you?
doing this reassures that though there has been a death everything is still the same. There will be possibilities of changes in the family structure. Death is hard to deal with for everyone, especially for children, they view death in various ways at different ages. The important thing is for them to be told the truth and guided with help from others to estill in the child a healthy look upon the ordeal of death. Anderson, Sharon D. ?
Talking to Children About Death? . April 1995 revised April 1996 online posting. 11 November 1999... Kastor, Elizabeth. ? We? ll always love you, Mommy. ? (widowers Brian Grunenfelder, Keith Chappelow, and Michael Goshorn). Good Housekeeping July 1998: 116 - 120, 168.
Marks, Jane. ? We have a problem? (Daughter deals with Father? s suicide). Parents October 1990: 56, 58, 61. Vogel, Linda Jane.
Helping A Child Understand Death. New York: Fortress Press, 1975. Wilken, C. S. and J.
Power. ? Learning to Live Through Loss: Helping Children Understand Death. ? 1991 online. November 1996 online. 11 November 199 Wolfelt, Alan D. Ph. D. A Child?
s View of Grief. Colorado: Center for Loss and Life Transition, 1991.
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Research essay sample on Understanding Of Death Parent
