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1. What is the leading cause of death with lesbians? 2. How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail? Answer: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into her disk drive. 3. What can Life Savers do that men cant? 4. What is good on pizza but bad on censored ? 5.
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey? Answer: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork. 6. How can you tell if you have a high sperm count? Answer: If your girlfriend chews before swallowing. 7.
What do you get when you get Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy together? Answer: a red headed bitch with a yeast infection. 8. How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh? Actual Label Instructions on consumer goods: On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair! ) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special! ) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! You lose! ) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time? ) On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction incidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts. ) On Nylon sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: (As opposed to use in outer space? ) On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (What is this, a home castration kit? ) Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy! ) 1.
does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? 2. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 3. How is it possible to have a civil war? 4. If God dropped acid, would he see people? 5. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? 6. If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? 7.
If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done? 8. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteriods"? 9. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? 10. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? 11. Where are we going?
And what's with this hand basket? 12. If the "blackbox" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole #@& airplane made out of that stuff? 13. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? 14. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and 15. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad 16.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. 17. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all Answer: By sticking your finger in his honey? Answer: When you " re masturbating and your hand falls asleep. 10. What did Bill Clinton say to Monica? Answer: I told you to lick my erection, not wreck by election. 11. What do a pizza deliveryman and a gynecologist have in common?
Answer: They both can smell it but can't eat it. 12. What do you call a blonde with pigtails? Answer: A blowjob with handlebars. 13. What do you call a group of blonds on roller blades? 14. What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill over her head? Answer: All you can eat for a buck. 15.
What do you call a virgin on a waterbed? 16. What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say? 17. Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties? 18. What do you do with 365 used rubbers? Answer: Melt them down, make a tire and call it a Goodyear. 19. What's the difference between sin and shame?
Answer: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out. Answer: 68; at 69 you have to turn around. 21. Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box? Answer: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and yelling, "Lie to me!" Answer: Because it's no big deal unless you " re not getting any. 23. What's another name for pickled bread? 24. Why did Frosty the Snowman pull his pants down?
Answer: He heard the snow blower coming. 25. Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy? Answer: She's withholding evidence. 25. What's the difference between light and hard?
Answer: You can sleep with the light on. 26. Why do woman rub their eyes when they get out bed? Answer: Because they don't have balls to scratch. Answer: You don't need a partner if you have a good hand. 28.
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? Answer: Their balls are just for decoration. 29. Why don't blind people like to sky dive? Answer: Because it scares the hell out of the dog.
Dilbert's Words of Wisdom - Use them as Needed... 1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good either. 2. I love deadlines. I especially love the swooshing sound they make as they go flying by. 3.
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. 4. Accept that some days you " re the pigeon, and some days you " re the statue. 5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute: if he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again. 6. I don't have an attitude problem. always keep one finger on the escape key. 10. You " re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter! 11.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo... They drag you down to their level then stops. On my desk, I have a work station... If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you " re ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me... they were cramming for their finals.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks? Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do...
write to these people? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail? Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso. VENI, VEDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he Go ahead and take risks... just be sure that everything will turn out OK. No one ever says "It's only a game, " when their team is winning. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
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Research essay sample on Call A Blonde Raggedy Ann Answer
