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Example research essay topic: Fifty Six Six Years - 1,480 words

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life. This is what my husband told me on our wedding day. That wonderful, beautiful day was the first day of the rest of my life too. God, how I miss him. I never expected life to be like this. I never expected to live this long this way.

Today I am seventy-six years old. This journal was a gift from my beloved Christopher on my 75 th birthday last year. He joked and said I could tell this book all of my secrets now because his hearing was so poor. This is my first birthday as a widow, and this is my first birthday alone. My husband passed away last month at the age of seventy-nine.

I have no family anymore. He was my family. I remember as a child, I would celebrate my birthdays with my parents and brother. At my sixth birthday party, shortly before Daddy died, I remember the dollhouse that he made for me.

It was so beautiful. He used to call me his little princess and said the dollhouse was my castle. That is my fondest memory of my father. After Daddy passed on, I remember how upset my mother was, her eyes so says dull. They simply stopped shining. I couldnt understand then what she was feeling, but I understand now.

Mother did eventually re-marry. She was so young though, and I am not. I feel so empty, and it hurts to realize that this is the first day of the rest of my life. Today I cleaned out Christophers closet, and all of his clothes still smelled of him. I touched his favorite shirt and longed to have his body fill its vacancy. When I closed my eyes and held his clothes near, it felt as if I was touching him.

In my mind I can still hear his voice; it is clear as a bell. I hear his answers to my questions, concerns, and complaints. I still hear him say to me, Now Angel (that was his nickname for me) dont let your pretty self get worked up about all this nonsense. Be strong for me now. Youre my fighter. His favorite saying was things have a way of working themselves out.

Christopher always said that I was strong-willed, but dear God! I cannot be strong right now. He was my strength. I dont know that I really knew that until right now, but he was my strength. I should not be mourning. I had fifty-six years with a wonderful man who loved me very much.

I should be grateful, not sad. What is wrong with me? Why cant I pick myself up and get out of this rut? I am so tired. Betty, from Bridge Club, called and wants me to meet with the ladies next week. She says that they all miss me on Monday nights (miss winning is all).

Most of the ladies who go to the Center are widowed too, but they seem to handle their loss so much better. Didnt they love their husbands as much as I loved Christopher? Yes, of course they did. Its just me.

I need to be stronger. I just wish I wasnt so tired. I feel so angry. I am overwhelmed with the details of my life that Christopher used to handle. Taking out the trash, locking the house, paying the bills, calling repair people who can remember all of this? I have to take a taxicab everywhere I go, and this has been the most difficult adjustment for me.

Christopher always drove us everywhere. I sometimes wish that he had taught me to drive, this would have made things so much easier now. I wish that I had known he was going to die. No, noI shouldnt think such things. Its just that we planned for the financial security of his death, but I never knew that it would be so difficult to do the everyday things.

For fifty-six years my husband has looked after certain details of my life, and now, he is gone. I am so frustrated because I feel so utterly helpless. Yesterday, I couldnt even reach the oregano in the spice cupboard! I had to stand on a chair to retrieve it.

In the past, Christopher would always get the things in high places for me. Oh, dear diary. I wish so badly that this void in my life were not here. I miss my husband. The arthritis in my knee is acting up today. I am scared, very scared.

Who is going to take care of me when I cannot take care of myself? I have no family anymore. I have no one. I sometimes regret our decision not to adopt children. We figured that if God wanted us to have a child, He would have given us a child. But sometimes, I feel Gods message might have been that there were plenty of unwanted children in the world, and we should have taken one.

I cant think too much about that though, whats done is done. One day I am going to die, this is inevitable. I just dont want to do it alone. Death shouldnt scare me, but it does.

I remember being younger, so carefree. It wasnt too long ago that these old knees could run without worry, in fact it was only yesterday in my mind. I wish I could turn the time back. I am afraid of being alone. I went out last night for the first time since Christophers death.

Betty has been calling me for a couple of weeks to attend Bridge, so I decided to pacify her persistence and go. It was nice to see the ladies; almost all of them attended with the exception of Kathryn, who is feeling under the weather. I laughed a lot. I didnt realize it until I got home, but for the first time since Christophers death, I wasnt thinking about him all throughout the evening. I cant believe that I went out and did not remember him! I feel very sad and angry with myself.

My husband is dead, and I am out on the town laughing. I feel like I should have been at home. Actually, I dont know how I should be feeling these days. My husband was seventy-nine years old. He lived a good life, and he had a peaceful death. I just dont understand why I cant let go.

Christopher would want me to live my life still, and he would want me to be happy. Its just so hard to live my life without him. Its so hard to find the energy to press on. I want to keep going. Ive got to keep going. I went to church this past Sunday.

I have not been since Christopher died, and even then we never really attended service regularly. Pastor Johnson was very receiving of me. He is always so insistent that I come see him on Sundays, and he did such a nice job with Christophers funeral that I figured I should attend. I enjoyed seeing some familiars faces, and even some new ones for that matter.

I think I will visit again next Sunday. Betty is picking me up this evening for Bridge. I am going to bring a cake for the ladies, it is an interesting recipe I found in the Southern Living magazine. I hope they like it. Today has been a very difficult day for me. This is my first Fourth of July without Christopher.

I am missing him terribly today, and I want to do nothing but cry. There is a celebration service at the church tonight, but I dont want to go. I dont want to do anything. I still see his face, hear his voice, and smell his breath. I know that sounds strange, but his breath had a scent. Sometimes I will be out somewhere and all of a sudden Ill smell him.

The other day, I was in JC Penny shopping for new bed linen and I thought I saw the backside of him. I know that my husband is dead, but for a split second, I allowed my mind to play this trick on me so that I might feel the joy of his presence again. The strange thing is, I have never dreamed about Christopher since his death, not even once. I certainly wish though that I could visit with him in my dreams. I long to see him.

I suppose though that he knows I would spend all of my time sleeping if this were the case, and no time awake. He knows me too well. However, I think I will go to sleep early tonight. The sooner my eyes shut, the sooner this day can end. I got a job toda...


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Research essay sample on Fifty Six Six Years

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