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Example research essay topic: York N Y Parents And Children - 1,506 words

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... ts their psychological, physical, and emotional ascent into maturity. When the structure collapses, the children's world is temporarily without supports. Children of divorce often lose the mom or dad they use to know. As the adults respond to the catastrophic changes in their lives, they may move into depressive states, which reduces their energy for, patience with, and availability to their children.

Despite a mothers best intentions, she may not be capable of being the same person emotionally as she was prior to the separation. Children at different ages react differently to the collapse of the family unit. The nature and intensity of a child's response to parental divorce depend, in large part, not only on the child's level of understanding but also in the psychological and emotional needs at his or her stage of development. While parental divorce at each stage presents risks to the child's healthy adjustment, those close to the child-parents, relatives and teachers- can seek to understand the child's reactions and can take steps to minimize the negative effects. When divorce disrupts a family, the relationships between parents and children are often changed, as parents try to cope with their own stresses and re-order their lives.

Because of these changes, the ability of the family to fulfill its critical functions of child rearing and child protection may be weakened. Only a rare child does not experience at least short-term problems when parents divorce. Many children suffer negative effects for longer periods of time, carrying into their own adulthood the scars of this traumatic disruption in family life. Many exhibit behavior problems at home and at school, have lower self-esteem, and have higher levels of anxiety and depression. Some children feel guilty, erroneously concluding that they were responsible for the divorce because of their "bad behavior. " They may also feel ashamed and humiliated because their family is not longer like the intact families of their friends.

Even in stable and happy families, .".. children often say their greatest fear is that Mom and Dad will divorce. " 16 They fear becoming a victim in a situation in which they have no control. In cases where the family situation is chaotic and it is apparent to the child that the parents are not getting along, the reasons may be more understandable, but the results are no less painful for the child. 17 In the opinion of some professionals, the breaking of the family unit through divorce may be more difficult for children to deal with psychologically than the loss of a parent through death. "While death and divorce both bring about major changes in families, "two key components of grief-sorrow and anger- are expressed differently according to which event brought an end to the marriage. " 18 The consequences for children of divorce are often more serious. Death is rarely brought about through choice by a parent; divorce is.

Death is final; on the other hand, many children fantasize about reversing divorce and bringing back the absent parent. When death strikes a family, the rituals of grieving and the support of others usually help children through the crisis. In divorce, however, the children may experience the shame, isolation, and lack of support that parental breakup often engenders. 19 While the comforting presence of a parent is normally enough to reassure a child during other types of traumas like natural disasters, the paradox of divorce for the child is that the parent initiates the disruption. This can also have the effect of undermining the child's trust in his or her caretaker. Understanding that a child needs to bond and re-bond with both parents is for some the most difficult challenge of divorce. In co-parenting the benefits for children include: feeling cared about, feeling trust in the ability to share, having self-esteem because of the parents commitment to them, having a sense of belonging with both parents, and a sense of security because their parents have a harmonious relationship.

The alternative is that children "hide" their feelings, their reality, and a part of their lives causing lifelong problems. Through co-parenting children will learn that relationships do change, but do not have to be destroyed. That harmony can be restored after divorce, and despite the fact that relationship bonds do change, people can teach themselves to redefine those relationships and keep them healthy. Many problems have come between parents and children when the parent tries to control whom the children love, and whom they do not love. Children do not always understand what is happening or how they feel. However, they do notice how their parents relate to each other.

All children need some harmony in their lives and some never give up the fantasy that they could somehow get their parents to reconcile. Children need help in facing the reality that their parents are divorced. While parents may be devastated or relieved by the divorce, children are invariably frightened and confused by the threat to their security. Some parents feel so hurt or overwhelmed by the divorce that they may turn to the child for comfort or direction. At this time children are called upon to invest in the emotional well being of their parents. Divorce asks children to be sympathetic, understanding, respectful, and polite to confused and unhappy parents.

The sacrifice comes from the children. The parent initiates divorce and this often frightens children. Children are entitled to the affection and association of two parents, not one. Family disruption creates a deep division in parents' interests and the interests of children. During the time of divorce, parents fail to meet their parental obligations thus increasing the risk for their children to develop mental and physical problems. The parents who take care of themselves will be best able to take care of their children.

The amount of deviant behavior in American society has increased beyond the levels the community can afford to recognize. Fewer Americans today regard the idea of sacrifice for others as a positive moral virtue. Therefore, it is much easier for adults to ignore the feelings of the non-custodial parent. This has a lasting affect on the child involved. The experience of dependable and durable family bonds is what shapes a child's sense of trust and fosters the development of such traits as initiative and independence.

Without these traits it is extremely difficult to cultivate other personal characteristics such as resourcefulness, responsibility, and resilience which are essential in a pluralistic society. Our civic and religious traditions offer a vision of the obligated self, voluntarily bound to a set of roles, duties, and responsibilities, and of a nation where sacrifice for the next generation guides adult ambitions and purposes and where wholeness of self is found in service and commitment to others. Our political ideals and aspirations for equality, independence, and individual happiness have helped shape our expectations and ideals of marriage and helped us to criticize and correct its abuses. In the vow to marry "for better, for worse. " We have been keenly attuned to the "for better. " Yet because of our aspirations for improvement, we may have neglected the challenges and requirements of the second half of the vow. The second half is what we implicitly accept when we become parents, pledging ourselves to a biological or adopted child for all of our lives, without certain knowledge of that child's health, capabilities or destiny. It is also a pledge we make to a chosen beloved, without certain of what lies ahead.

Bibliography: BIBLIOGRAPHY Barros, Nancy, Basis, Nancy, and Karen J. Todd. Parenting Through Divorce: The Lasting Effects. Motion Publishing Company, 1995. 104. Clulow, Christopher F. "Divorce as Bereavement: Similarities and Differences. " Family and Conciliation Courts Review June. 1990. 19 - 22.

Driver, Nancy. "Divorce and the American family. " Current Health 2 Nov. 1996. 6. Garrity, Carla B. , and Mitchell A. Bari's. Caught In The Middle: Protecting the Children of High Conflict Divorce. New York, N. Y. : Lexington, Inc. , 1994. 58 - 63.

Grottkau, Beverly J. , and Eva Augustin Rump. Till Divorce Do Us Part. Lakewood, CO: Glen bridge Publishing Ltd. , 1996. 96. Hockey, Elizabeth, and Elizabeth Dalton. Healing Hearts: Helping Children and Adults Recover from Divorce. Carson City, NV: Gold Leaf Press, 1994. 92.

Schnieder, Meg F. , and Joan Zuckerburg. Difficult Questions Kids Ask-and are too afraid to ask-About Divorce. New York, N. Y. : Fireside Rockefeller Center, 1996. 47.

Wallerstein, Judith S. Parent-child relationships following divorce. Boston: Little Brown, 1985. 317 - 348. Wallerstein, Judith S. , and Joan Berlin Kelley. Surviving the Breakup: How Children and Parents Cope With Divorce. New York: Basic Books, Inc. , 1980. 35 - 36.

Wallerstein, Judith S. , and Sandra Blakeslee. Second Chances: Men, Women, and Children a Decade After Divorce. New York: Ticknor and Fields, 1986. 57. Weyburn e, Darlene. What to Tell the Kids About Your Divorce. California: New Harbinger Publications, Inc. , 1999. 147.

Whitehead, Barbara Dafoe. The Divorce Culture. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, Inc. , 1996. 64.


Free research essays on topics related to: york n y, children of divorce, parents and children, parental divorce, negative effects

Research essay sample on York N Y Parents And Children

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