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Parenting teenagers can be a difficult thing, but it doesnt have to be if it is approached correctly. There are four major parts in parenting. These are: education, discipline, communication, and letting go. Each of these is an equally essential part of the Researchers and scholars have marked adolescence as a very important period in human development- the fork in the road which forever shapes an individuals- and mankind's- destiny. Adolescence is the a period when a child begins to become an adult.
During this time, the adolescent starts to develop the personality and character that will stay with them for the rest of his or her life. According to Terry Miller, adolescence is a time when a young person decides what path they will take with his or her life. It is a very important time when their life has a turning point and his or her future is redirected and established. He says that, it only seems logical that a lot of thinking and planning would go into this time of adolescence to reinforce a positive self image that is so important to have for growth.
Instead, a lot of parents and teachers arent ready to help guide these budding personalities. Maybe they are ignorant or just dreading this confusing, rebellious stage. But they are using techniques to deal with teens instead of helping them. This usually doesnt let teens maximize the huge potential that adolescence Raising children to have good morals and high values will help in almost every aspect of parenting.
It will also help the children in almost every aspect of his or her life. Dr. James Dobson, a famous family psychologist, says that religion is the best way to instill these traits. Although some children dont appreciate being told exactly what to believe, they dont want religion forced down their throats. Children want to be given a choice in what they are going to believe. But if the early exposure has been conducted properly, they will have an inner mainstay to stand by them.
That early indoctrination then is the key to the spiritual attitudes they will carry into adulthood. Even if the child doesnt choose to believe the what the parents believe, the child should still have to participate in the religious activities of the family as long as he or she is living under the parents roof. However, the teenager should not be forced to carry the same beliefs (55). Dobson points out that a teenager is subjected to all of his parents ideas, beliefs, and attitudes, which is good.
It is the parents God- given responsibility to train their child the best that they can. But there has to come a point where the child takes the things that his parents have taught him and either accept them as the truth or rejects them as false. If that personal evaluation never comes, then the adolescent fails to span the gap between what Ive been told versus What I believe. This is one of the most important bridges leading from childhood to adulthood (54).
Disciplining teenagers can be a very hard thing to do. To make the consequence reasonable enough to teach the lesson, but not so harsh that it will cause long term feelings of resentment. According to Dr. Lee Hausner, there are four main steps in disciplining a teenager.
He says for the first step that discipline should start at a young age, because if it doesnt it will be nearly impossible to do it when the teenage years come. Secondly, Hausner says that a parent needs to be specific. This is done by clearly defining the behavior that they expect and the consequences that will follow if the rules are broken. The third step is for when the rules are broken, to be sure that the consequences are connected with the activity in some way. The fourth guideline to follow when dealing with discipline issues is to have a list of four or five major rules that must be followed.
These rules should thing that are really important, dont worry about the type of clothes that they wear or how loud that they play their music (1). Communication, in my opinion, is the most important tool a parent can have with their teen. It is the key in almost every aspect of parenting. Not only is it a necessity in parenting, but it also will develop a friendship that can last a lifetime. Without communication parenting a teenager is definitely a hard and nearly impossible road to A lot of times teens think that their parents dont understand them or their problems, points out Dr.
Ferne Cherne. On the other hand, parents are sure they never acted the way their children do. When parents and teenagers lack communication skills, often requests from either group end in fights, slammed doors, yelling, and a widening of the gap between the two generations. But with just a little bit of good communication, teens and parents can learn how to talk to each other, listen to each other, and stop the disastrous things that erupt when there is no communication (Cherne 13). There are many things that can get in the way of good communication, according to Kathleen McCoy Ph.
D... These things are bad habits that become communication barriers. Things such as, Do it because I said so or Stop feeling sorry for yourself are common things that are said by parents that are unhealthy. When things like this are said the teen stops listening, no one gets heard, everyone gets mad, and nothing gets solved. Another thing that can become a bad habit is basically taking the conversation and running with it, not letting anyone else respond back. Parents should also be careful not to constantly overreact to problems because after awhile it will make the teen afraid to tell them anything (Communication Barriers, 2).
McCoy also gives advise on how to break down the communication barriers. She says that just being there for your child and listening with understanding and love will break the barriers. One of the important ways to make a teenager listen to you is to listen to him. A parent has to show interest in the teens feelings and opinions, even when they disagree, because it helps build up trust and respect between the two. Also, respect each others individuality.
Do you want your child to be the best he can be, or the best you want? There is a difference, and knowing this difference can aid communication (McCoy Talking So Your Teen Will Listen, 1). Still other things that can get in the way of good communication, says Evelyn Peterson in her article, Getting Teens To Open Up and Talk. She asks the question, Do you find that getting your teen to converse with you is like pulling teeth? If so she says that maybe the reason for their silence is because the only thing that the parent ever wants to talk about is school and family. In this situation she suggests that you talk about the teens fears, hopes, dreams, or even your memories of being a teen.
These kinds of things can open the door to a deeper, meaningful conversation (1). Peterson also writes in another article, Tips On Communication With Adolescents and Teens, The biggest hurdle to good communication with teens is out obsession to instruct and inform them, instead of talking and listening to them. Parents do have important things that they need to tell teens, but the taking care of business mode has to be balanced with communication that lets the teenager know that what they think and feel is important too. Parents need to remember that teenagers dont really care what you Maybe the hardest step to accomplish in parenting is letting go. Parents have been an intricate part of their childs life- through thick and thin.
When the time comes to start letting go parents might feel as though they are losing their kids, and tend to be over protective. Dr. James Dobson says that a parent needs to have freedom from the child, just as the child must gain freedom from his or her parents. If this never happens by the parents giving away responsibility to the child, then the child will be hopelessly attached to the parents for a long time. That will ultimately slow the growth and development of the child. Many times parents want to rise up like a mighty shield to protect their child from any potential harm, and to hold them in the safety of their arms.
However, there are times when parents have to allow their children to struggle. Children cant grow without taking risks. Students cant learn without facing some hardships. And ultimately an adolescent cant enter young adulthood until parents release him from protective custody. There is a point in the relationship when the two generations have to change. By the time a child eighteen or twenty the parent should start to relate to his or her child more as a peer.
In his book, Dr. Dobson Answers Your Questions, Dobson says: There comes a point where out record as parents is in the books, our training has been completed, and the moment of release has arrived. If the child runs, he runs. If he marries the wrong person, he marries the wrong person. If he takes drugs, he takes drugs.
If he goes to the wrong school, rejects his faith, refuses to work, squanders his inheritance on liquor and prostitutes, then he must be permitted to make these destructive choices and take the consequences Dobson used the example: just as parents cannot keep their newborn baby in the safety and protection of the womb, they ultimately have to allow his or her passage into the grown- up world at the end of childhood. Along the way, wise christian parents will prayerfully try to influence- but not prolong control over their maturing child. The rest they leave in the hands of the creator (Dobson 214). Thesis: Parenting teenagers can be difficult, but it doesnt have to be if it is approached correctly. Bibliography: Bibliography Cherne, Dr.
Ferne. Communication; Teens vs. Parents. www. parentingteenscom. Dobson, Dr.
James. Dr. Dobson Answers Your Questions. Wheaton, Illinois: Tyndale House Publishers, 1982.
Hausner, Dr. Lee. Disciplining Your Kids: A Checklist web McCoy, Kathleen, PH. D... Communication Barriers.
web McCoy, Kathleen, PH. D... Talking So Your Teen Will Listen. web Petersen, Evelyn. Getting Teens To Open Up and Talk. web Petersen, Evelyn.
Tips On Communication With Adolescents and Teens. web
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