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Language defines peoples gender To begin with communication and the language people communicate with play a very important role in humans lives and good relationships. Without communication any couple will lack feelings, emotions and understanding. Without spoken words and body language we will never understand what we meen to other people. Nevertheless, very often it becomes very confusing what the other person said because of the great differences that men and women possess in their ways of expressing thoughts and emotions.
Usually the opposite sexes interpreted the things differently that in many cases lead to misunderstanding. Deborah Tannen in her book Talk in the Intimate Relationship: His and Hers states that misunderstandings between the opposite sexes usually appear because women are more likely to like use emotions while having a conversation, while men mostly use knowledge. (Tannen, D. 2001) Therefore I strongly believe that most men prefer to show affection to love more subtly than women in their relationships. And this may lead to miscommunication! Men and women are almost opposite in their ways of communication.
Men speak louder and tend to use more aggressive words while women use more polite and cute words in their conversations. Men usually pronounce words in a lower tone and they dont change from tone to tone very often. But women usually change their tones very often thus having a more lively and emotional style of speaking. The other difference in the conversation between men and women that might lead to misunderstanding is that the weaker sex notices more details and colors and thus is more perceptive. Linguist Robin Lakoff an author of Language and Woman's Place states that women can get offended by the wrong or rude tone of voice, facial expression or strange body language. (Lakoff, R. 2000) And as I said, men show their affection more subtly that might in many cases be differently interpreted by the opposite sex. Indeed men are not that much verbose as women are, and thus they usually say directly what they need or want.
In many cases women get offended by this way men express their feelings, affection or intentions. Women like to "beat around the bush" when trying to say or express something. Men also make more declarative statements, instead women tend to make more tentative statements and use " tag endings." Men usually say in a more mandate tone and they usually dont expect to say no. The other point is that the opposite sexes are noticed to have almost dissimilar nonverbal ways of expressing thoughts and making conversations which can also confuse people about what the opposite sex is trying to say. Men usually have more reserved gestures when having a conversation with a women while girls are completely the opposite.
This might make a person believe that the week sex is much more interested in what is being said and pays more attention to details. Women smile more often while listening to a person and this might look as they are paying much more attention to the words and phrases. Men, on the other hand, when are listening to a someone tend to frown and squint and that might give a feeling that they are not interested at all. All these differences in the ways men and women express their thoughts and feeling to each other might lead to a deep and long-lasting relations as well as to great misunderstandings that might break a couple or even a family.
And unfortunately, the last case happens more often nowadays. Having read the book Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus by John Gray I understood that I might help a lot of couples and families to transform their relationships. This book might assist many couples to realize the great differences they have and to learn how to prevent conflicts and make relationships more intimate. This book might be called a guide to how express your thoughts and feelings to the opposite sex and make this message the most understandable. In this book Gray tells one of the problems of his present marriage was solved when, "I pretended in my mind that my wife was my most important client. I started giving her that devoted and undivided attention I would give a client. " This means that in many cases men just dont listen carefully to what their spouses of girlfriends are saying.
They dont pay attention to their gestures and tones. They simply see what they see and say what they believe is right. They dont try to put womens shoes and see how it is. And the most hurting it becomes when it concerns the private problems and intimate relations. Another book that greatly reveals the problems that artist between a man and a woman in expressing their affection is called You just dont understand by Deborah Tannen. The author states that men and women have always been treated differently in our society that in many cases effects communication, particularly in adult relationships.
Tannen portrays various contrasts between a man and a woman to depict the differences the opposite sexes have in their communication styles. The miscommunication that usually bring people to quarrels and fights are vividly shown in Tannen's book. (Tannen, D. 2002) I want to say that many misunderstandings and quarrels that couples have usually come because men dont listen carefully to what is said or just dont pay attention to their girlfriends words. In the article called May She Have Your Attention, Please? the author states that mostly while women complain that their husbands or boyfriends dont pay attention to what is said, they can for sure say that, when it comes to something important, they hear everything. According to the recent inquiry of 450 women, nearly 40 percent said that her man usually remembers things that are crucial to their marriage or relationships. Another 29 percent stated that they had to make a subtle reminder, and another 20 percent said that they had to make very detailed marks.
Only nearly 10 percent said that their men forget most of the asked factors. Then maybe it is not that bad as it seems from the first glance? (Levitt, T. 1999) Summing up all these I want to say that it is absolutely right to say that men and women are almost opposite in their way of expressing thoughts and feelings and communication with other people. It is for sure very hard and sometimes almost impossible to get what a man was saying. They are very tough to understand no matter how they communicate and what is the situation. From mumbling to short snappy answers and poor eye contact to constant interruptions, makes communicating with men much more difficult than anticipated by most. On the other hand women are much more careful and attentive listeners and it is always a pleasure to speak or to listen to a woman.
Women maintain good eye contact, and speak with more inflection and in nice soft tones. More over you can usually understand the point of the conversation with a woman and you will definetly know whether or not she is offering, asking or explaining something or just having a talk. After understanding all these differences in communication styles between men and women I have decided that although men are not that virtual in expressing their feelings they for sure do it more subtly. Yes, this might bring a couple to having a misunderstanding but what interest would it be if all of us spoke and communicated in the same way?
It is usually like a game between a man and a woman when they are trying to saying something to each other. Especially if it concerns some private questions. I believe that we all have to remember the differences we have and try to accept an opposite sex the way they communicate and experts themselves. And for sure such books like Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus by John Gray or You Just Don't Understand by Deborah Tannen will give people more help and practical advice. Bibliography Tannen, Deborah. Talk in the Intimate Relationship: His and Hers. 75 Readings: Anthology.
Ed: Santi Buscemi and Charlotte Smith. Boston: McGraw-Hill, 2001. Lakoff, Robin. Language and Woman's Place. New York. Graphic Society. 2000.
Gray, John. Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus: how to get what you want from your relationships. Boston: Irwin McGraw-Hill 1993. Tannen, Deborah.
You Just Don't Understand. New York. Graphic Society. 2002. Wayne and Tamara Mitchell. What is love? Harper Collins publisher.
March 3, 2002. p. 12 Theodore, Levitt. May She Have Your Attention, Please? The Wall Street Journal, March 29, 1999.
p. 4 Richard, E. Sullivan. Men vs. Women. New York: Harcourt Brace & Company. 1996 General, Leinwand. Is it hard to pay attention?
New York: Praeger 1984. Marble, Manning. Communication styles: men vs. women. New York: Verso, 1995.
Zinn, Howard. What is different in our communication. New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 1990.
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