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THE TWO SIDES OF ME I can vividly remember when I took my first drink of alcohol. I was five years old then when I first got my taste of a hard drink at a party. It was not exactly a memorable one but I got to like the different taste it had. It was as if I feel that I was an adult so I seemed to crave for it during those times when I felt like an immature boy. I continued to drink a lot and by 13, I was an alcoholic. I drank in order to have fun and to belong.
The effects on alcohol made me strong and powerful like nothing could hurt me. But, the good feelings did not last long enough. I remember that I would hide the bottles under my bed whenever my Mother would pass by the room. I would pretend to be asleep and when no one was looking again, I would reach out for that bottle and drink to my hearts delight again.
It went on and on with more vices on the side. No one noticed my alcoholism because they never saw me with a bottle of alcohol or even smelled me reeking of alcohol. That was probably because I carried a perfume in my shirt and would practically douse myself with perfume. It was funny because my friends and family never knew that I had two sides of me. One was an obedient child, pleasing everyone and another was an alcoholic, miserable and depressed.
I have heard before that alcohol consumption is related to social and family problems such as domestic violence, crimes, low productivity among workers and poor academic performance among students. Definitely it is all of the above and the effects are a lot more. My school work was affected and I could no longer remain in control. I lost my ability to think right.
Decisions became irrational and faulty. I did a lot of regretful things such as smoking other prohibited substances and other related crimes. Over the next few years my drinking progressed. Alcohol ran my life and I started and ended the day with it.
I lived to work and worked to drink. Sadly, I ended up losing my job and my apartment and living on the streets for over a year! I was in and out of Dorothea Dix, a mental hospital, Wake Med, a hospital, as well as in jail. I racked up many criminal charges, such as assault with a deadly weapon, possession of alcohol under the age of twenty-one, and resisting arrest. I was even charged of animal cruelty because I rode my horse to a bar and then fled the police. I became a deviant and my family almost gave up on me.
The habit was a cycle that continued on and on. I felt that it would take a miracle before I could be successful in removing the habit. Indeed, after I started the drinking habit, I found it hard to kick it out of my system. I started out sober in any drinking session, yet in a few minutes, I became raucous and noisy, unable to take control of myself. I was really uncontrollable and wanted help from someone. In my room, I would cry out all night and just feel sorry for myself, drinking myself to sleep.
Luckily, a family friend took me and helped me remain sober. I was very thankful. I am now 23 years old and I have been sober for exactly one year on September 19. I have now stayed out of trouble and I have been able to save money since I no longer was spending money on the alcohol.
I was also able to buy a new car and I seem to have been domesticated because I live in a small farm with 4 horses, 2 dogs, a rabbit, and a ferret. I am going back to school. Everything is wonderful now! But, I would have never learned or appreciated all these if hadn't experienced everything I went through. I think I got two payoffs from breaking my habit: I got rid of something I did not want anyway and I got new insights. But how did I break the habit and get that insight?
I wish I could say you could do it without any willpower, but I cant. You have to refrain cold turkey. I think I was able to conquer my habit by doing the following: First, I studied the habit. I just observed the habit for one week. I saw myself obsessively drinking almost every hour of the day. I seemed to see myself just drinking without any control.
I gave myself one week to observe the habit in action. As I did this, I figured out just what the bad habit was. I define it. This is easy if it is something that I want to stop altogether. Nest, I observed when I engage in the habit. I discovered what seems to bring it out in me.
I saw myself doing it with my friends. It makes me feel happy. The more I know about the habit in advance, the better prepared I was able to break it. Then, after this week of observation and definition, it is time to stop. As I know, the urge for the habit will increase at this early stage, which is why so many bad habits dont get broken. I remembered a lot of pointers I read from a book then.
So, I stopped completely instead of tapering off. If I was still drinking then, those drinks will renew my urge to drink again. I decided that stopping cold is the best way to break this cycle. Then, while I was trying to break the habit, I discounted any judgments of myself that came to my mind. I did not act on the urge.
Also, I acknowledged the urge for the habit when I felt it. If I pretended that it was not there, the habit can become treacherous. I became very careful at this point because if not recognized, the habit will creep ion again. Moreover, when I felt a sudden, strong urge for the habit, I try to pinpoint the situation or state of mind that came up just beforehand. Maybe, I felt lonely or foolish or inadequate in some way, but I write these feelings down and became alert for any that keep recurring. I also did not torture myself about the lapses.
I just try to figure out what triggered it, then get started again right away. Lets say, I just broke my resolve, I will not hate myself. I think of myself as someone brand new. It was really a nightmare during those dark and bleak years of being addicted to the alcohol. I knew there were a lot of factors that spurred the habit to take hold of me. Later on I realized what goes into the habit of drinking.
I understood that peer influence and advertisements hook me to this ugly vice. Unless I was aware of these nuances, I would have continued to like to have fun, with friends, a bottle of alcohol, and who knows what would come next?
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Research essay sample on Urge For The Habit Bottle Of Alcohol Drinking
