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Here I am, lying on my deathbed. I cant believe i got myself into this mess. It really wasnt my fault. It was the Red Riding Hood brat who got me all these problems. If it wasnt for her, I would have still been running around free. Because of her, I am dying and the worst part is that they wont give me a burial in a jail.
After I got sent here 50 years ago, I experienced every kind of disease known to mankind. It all started one sunny afternoon when I was very hungry. Sometimes my hunger takes over my entire body and it wont let go until I filled my stomach with food. Since I was that hungry, my stomach took over again and robbed a Dunkin Donuts cafe on 86 th street, again. They must really hate me by now because thats what my body always robs when it's hungry.
This time I wasnt very lucky. My younger brother came over my house and ate my Dunkin Donuts before I could get them. So there I was. My stomach is in total control over by body and I can't do anything about it.
So there goes Little Red Riding Hood. She looks so delicious. After she was done robbing the jewerly store, she was planning to go to her grandmothers house to stay low until it was safe to come out in a couple of weeks. She was using her grandma as cover by making her sick so that her mom would send her to deliver some wine. What a ploy.
A little brat as I had always said. I met her -accidently- in the woods. I put on a little more fur and some glasses and she did not realize the it was me. She seemed rather in a hurry to get to her grandma and I noticed that the little basket was way too big just to carry 1 bottle of wine. I fooled her by telling her to go pick some flowers for her grandma. I said I fooled her because I came up with a plan how to make my stomach full for a long time.
That basket was filled with jewels which could fetch me a lot of money on e-bay. I knew where her grandmas house is. It was down in New Jersey. I can't believe I ran all the way thread actually mae it while she just called a cab. When I got there, things became simple. The grandma was weak because Little Red Riding Hood gave her an overdose of medication.
I just ate the grandma and she tasted so terrible that I almost threw up. I had to keep her in to stop her from yelling for help. In a couple of hours, Red Riding Hood came. The little brat questioned me about my eyes, nose, claws (oops, did I say claws? I meant hands! ), and my big face. She started to scream and sprayer me with a spray which actually smelled pretty nice.
I ate her up slowly so that she would feel the pain. I know, I am so evil... So then I check out her little basket. It turns out it was filled with Powepuff Girls movies and in fact had no money or jewels. I was so... politely putting, angry! ! !
As I found out while rotting in jail that it was her evil twin who robbed it. I was cut in half and then pun back together. Those monsters! Have they no heart! ? First I was put in a mental hospital but I was too crazy for them so they just put me in a prison .
I wouldnt call it a prison. It was like hell on earth. There are places called 'Heaven on Earth', this prisons name is 'Hell Reborn'. Now that I am 129 years old, I am finally dying. This is the true story of the little Red Riding Hood. She filled the story with lies, they were all lies!
I am evil but atleast now it is clear to everyone that I admit it and that this is the true story of why I am evil. Muahahahaha... Dont stroll in the woods by yourself too long. I did have a couple of hundred children.
They will eat you whole!
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