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The lights were dimmed as the music was turned up and more drinks passed around. Euan, the birthday boy sat beside me on the sofa with his arm draped softly around my shoulders. My skirt was shimmying further and further up my legs but with a bottle of whatever it was in my hand I was far too drunk to notice. The tents were already set up outside and people had slowly been making their way out there. Euan had not left me alone for one minute. Though I enjoyed his company and he made me laugh, I knew his feelings for me went much further than just friends.
He had been trying to make a move on me all night but I just wasnt in the mood and so far had managed to cleverly dodge him. The sitting room was nearly empty now and only a few people were left inside. My head was feeling really funny and little flashes of bright white light kept blurring my eyesight. Euan, who had been talking with a mate came over and sat beside me.
He started talking but I wasn't listening and began to try and pull myself out of the chair and outside to the tents. He grabbed my arm and said "wait babes where are you going? I thought you were going to help me finish this bottle of vodka eh? It's cold tonight so I thought we could just crash inside." He smiled as he noticed towards the stairs. I hadn't really fancied sleeping in a tent in the middle of October anyway so I accepted his offer. "Yeah ok" I said as he took my hand and began to help me out of the chair.
I staggered slightly and stumbled up the stairs, but managed to keep my balance with Euan's arm around me. I was swaying all over the place; giggling and laughing like the drunk twelve year old I was. The room was big and airy, with a high ceiling and candy floss pink walls. There was a window in the far corner and a double bed to the right. Beside that was a chair and a beautiful dressing table across from it, covered with perfumes and other paraflenalia. I slowly walked over to the chair, careful not to trip over the fluffy, white sheepskin rug that lay across the wooden panelled floor.
Euan went across and sat on the bed as he gulped down mouthfuls of vodka and hissed with pain as the hot burning sensation tingled down his throat. "D'y want some?" he loudly asked. I replied yes and he told me "come and get it then hun." I went over to the bed. "Sit down babes, I wont bite." He said reassuringly. We began to talk for what seemed like ages and before long we were laughing and joking, lying on the bed giggling away as the vodka began to take hold. He showed me his birth mark on his chest making me lean over him as he sat stroking my leg. Perhaps I was being too friendly and flirting with him without realising it but this was not intensional. Fearing that maybe I had been encouraging him and also realising just how far up my leg his hand had moved I started to get off the bed. "Where are you going?" he asked with a slight tremor of panic in his voice. "Just to the window, dont worry your little head I aint going anywhere" I said jokingly.
I didnt realise but he had got off the bed too, very quietly. As I stood looking out of the window all of a sudden he grabbed my waist. I turned round and Euan was there staring me full in the eyes. He began to kiss me and it felt good so I kissed him back. His hands were now placed firmly on my ass as he began to kiss my neck. I was loving it, no one had ever kissed me like he was and I didnt want him to stop.
That is until he started to undo my top. "was, was, was, wait a sec, what do you think your doing?" I asked hurriedly buttoning up my top. "Come on babes" he replied. "No, please dont" I manage to splutter out as I staggered away from him towards the door. "Wait hun, where you going? Come back, im sorry we dont have to do this" he shouted with an slight hint of panic in his voice. Confused, pissed and without anywhere else to go, I stopped and turned round. Euan walked towards me as I sat down on the bed. He sats beside me taking hold of my hand and kissing it. Once again I find myself diving into his chocolate brown eyes as he leans forward and passionately kisses me, putting his leg over me and pinning me to the bed.
I have absolutely no control as he once again begins to undo my top and his fly. "I dont know if this is such a good idea"I manage to finally say, but he ignores me and continues to remove more article of clothing. I'm pinned to the bed and before I know it im half naked. His erection is huge and like any other girl of twelve would be, I'm very frightened. Euan is like someone possessed as he frantically kisses my body. He pins my arms above my head and I say once again "I dont think we should be doing this" yet once again he ignores me. He begins to enter me, it's uncomfortable and hurts but he continues.
As he begins to pound harder and harder the pain becomes unbearable "Euan, Euan please stop" I frantically beg him as I try to push him off. He looks at me with a shocked, bewildered expression across his handsome face and smiles as he says "come on baby, you know you want it." I cant look at him, frozen and numbed by what he is doing. He carries on as the headboard bangs heavily off the wall. Finally he begins to come as the tears roll down my face. I want him to stop but im too weak and scared to say, so I continue to sob quietly into his shoulder. Finally he stops, rolls over and mutters something about me being good.
I can feel the damp, blood soaked sheets underneath me as I turn over, curl up into a ball and cry. "hey, come on gorgeous it's ok, im here for you, everythings ok now, I love you babes" He whispers softly as he tries to cuddle me. I feel like shit. I'm so ashamed and disgusted by what he has done. I feel paralysed and weak as he holds out a bottle of something or other and my shaky hand barely manages to grasp hold of it. "See now, your ok " he says as I down the lot. Euan climbs back into bed and we lie there for a minute in silence.
I pray that he has fallen asleep but realise he hasnt, as I feel yet another firm erection digging into my back. "Please God no, please"I murmur to myself, feeling his hands creeping across my back. "Rebecca Bec's?" he calls out. I turn over to face him, he smiles at me and kisses my cheek delicately. He wants to do it again, I cant believe it. I dont want him to do it but I am powerless to stop him and dont have the energy to argue.
The next morning all I wanted to do was cry. I couldnt bring myself to look in the mirror I felt so ashamed. My friend Jenni asks me "last night was brilliant wasnt it? Where did you get too? hey you weren't with Euan were you eh? All night?" .
A broad smile beamed across her face as she said "Oh yeah, wot were you two up to then eh?" . I burst into tears and am unable to stop. I don't want to tell her what happened and everytime I tried too the tears began streaming down my face. It was horrible, I had a revolting burning pain buried deep inside that was eating away at me. It was indescribable and I couldnt get rid of it, like a fire burning out of control. I felt dirty and angry at myself for letting this happen.
The next time I saw him, Euan, he acted liked nothing had happened. A group of us were standing together at the shops and he came over. He was staring at me almost as if he couldnt keep his eyes off me. People were speaking around us but their words were drowned out, for all I could hear was his panting voice as he came inside me "Come on Becca, yes, that's it."Is something wrong darling?" he asked me as he stroked my arm. "No, why should there be?" I managed to calmly reply. "No, no you just dont look all that well, thats all" he said in response. Then he carefully put his arms around me and softly whispered into my ear "Friday night was wonderful babes, thanks", gently kissed my cheek and walked away.
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