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Love is that fragile flower of most uncommon beauty. One which can never be found by purpose alone while wandering through life's gardens. But one whose color and fragrance is most pure and meaningful when discovered by accident while tending to the more mundane duties of the common man. A diamond found lying quietly amongst the broken glass of childhood's shattered windows. To love another is the supreme sacrifice of self. For we must give freely and completely of ourselves to another, without reservation or condition.
To give less serves only to hinder the growth of our evolution from self sustaining isolation to a greater joining of universal awareness. As children we love by instinct but it is a selfish love. One which results out of necessity, born of helpless reliance on others for survival. It is an innocent love, free of complicated psychosocial encumbrances or expectations. But it is a hungry love which takes much more than it gives in the beginning. Initially a baby will smile out of some inner pleasure that is imperceptible to others.
But very soon, it learns from our reactions to that smile that it possesses a power to influence its surroundings. By repetition and association the child discovers he can gain pleasurable sensations from external sources by the simple act of a smile. The first seed of love is planted when we acknowledge the child's smile with our own outward expression of pleasure. "Even a minor event in the life of a child is an event of that child's world and thus a world event. " Gaston Bachelor (1884 - 1962), French philosopher From that first moment of conscious realization the child understands that to be a recipient of these enticing pleasures he must give of himself. However, growing in close proximity to this freshly planted seed lies another, less tender sprout. A subtle, yet powerful comprehension of the inherent capacity for manipulation. Without being fully aware of it, the child can sense that his own selfish needs can be fulfilled wholly with only a tiny investment on his part.
It is almost too easy. And the easiest lessons of life, though not without merit, demand so little of us that we are sometimes blind to the simple fact that we remain responsible for our actions towards other human beings. "Deity would not tolerate the presumption that all can be manipulated; an object lesson of the limits of human presumption is necessary. " So the child grows. As his needs and desires gain in both intensity and sophistication, he is dependent on his sparse inventory of experience to propel him safely through the deep and hazardous waters of interpersonal relationships. The lessons get harder and the price gets much higher to pay. A smile is no longer enough. A cute gesture is only that and nothing more.
Love and acceptance by others is no less a necessity now than ever, but it is not so easily obtained. The obligatory and anticipated rewards for adorable behavior given us by our parents are not so readily found in those who have no genetic predisposition to love us. Familial love is but a pale precursor of the romantic love we seek in later years. But still we hunger for that warm contentment of shared compassion and longing for physical contact which can only be encountered when we are held tightly in the heart and soul of an object of our desires. We set forth on our journey to love's gratification with only those sadly ineffectual tools we developed as children.
Their purpose, long served, has outlived its usefulness. We search for nirvana unclothed and without protection from the harshness of the world in which it may or may not exist at all. By trial and many errors, we ruefully discern that the truest and most satisfying of emotional forces, that which we call love, often appears to be no more than a taunting mirage. An apparition of beauty which lies just beyond our seemingly limited reach. We strive and toil endlessly, enchanted by love's simple promise of a more complete and meaningful existence. A communal reality of two souls enjoined by identical and mutually fulfilling sentiment.
Ahhh, such is the essence of wakeful dreams and conscious imaginings. "But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams. " W. B. Yeats (1865 - 1939), Irish poet "And love, in silent splendor, holds forth no clues. It is not bound by mortal conscience, therefore it does not offer apologies for its failures. " Love defies generalizations.
Poets, philosophers, theologians, and countless others have ascribed their own theories and interpretations but often they still fall short of the goal of capturing the true nature of this unfathomable entity. The strength of love lies in its diversity. It possesses the unique ability to evolve, change, and per mutate over the course of our lives. Just as we grow outwardly we must also grow inwardly.
Our thoughts, realizations, and perceptions are given credence by our individual experiences on the separate paths we follow in our quest for love. And as love is an integral part of our inner selves, so it must grow and mature as well. It possesses the ability to adapt to its internal as well as its external environment. It not only changes as we change but it also ebbs and flows outwardly dependent on the receptivity of those to whom it is directed. During certain periods of our lives love may seem to fade or even disappear entirely from our emotional palette. But once conceived it never truly ceases to exist.
Love is the ultimate survivor. It has a will to live as strong as the will of its human container. If necessary, it may hibernate, withdraw like a turtle into its shell. When it is rebuffed or rejected by the harshness and cold complacency which can be so common in others, it folds in on itself until which time it again feels safe to venture out into a more nurturing environment.
But it does not die. We say we fall in love but it is a misnomer. We do not fall anywhere. We simply open our hearts and allow the love inside to project its energy towards the heart of another. If it is well received and properly tended, it creates a spiritual bond between the two hearts. However, love is an individualized emotion.
It is a part of who we are and just as no two people share the exact same emotional make-up, neither can they share totally identical expressions of their love for one another. The beauty of a strong and viable relationship is seen when two souls meet and the colors of their love complement each other. We are in love when we can find that fragile state of being where our individual love demands no more than the other person can give and when we can provide the necessary energies to allow them to be fulfilled as well. Love cares nothing for equality but it insists on balance. That balance is possible only when both people are satisfied that their own expectations and needs in a relationship are being adequately provided for. "Love is often nothing but a favorable exchange between two people who get the most of what they can expect. " The first step towards a failed love affair is taken when we begin to feel we are giving more of ourselves than is being rejuvenated by the influx of love from our partner. That however, is not the fault of love but a sign that, in our own perception, we are not being compensated for our efforts.
The next, and often fatal, step is when we decide to fall back on that old learned behavior of using the expression of our love as a manipulative tool to gain that which we most strongly desire. Love seeks only love, but egotistical aspects of our self image may interfere with ou...
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